Grace at Mercy

Me and Nancy Alcorn, Christmas 2009

This past week, I was given the amazing opportunity to go to Nashville, TN to work with Nancy Alcorn on an upcoming project. It was an honor to be asked and a definite answer to prayer! Mercy Ministries' corporate headquarters is right across the street from Mercy's Nashville home, so another graduate and I got the chance to go over to the house and speak with the current residents of that home.

It was absolutely mind blowing to be on this side of the podium. I was looking into the faces of girls who had come to the end of themselves and were struggling to regain footing in their lives - knowing that not 2 years ago, I was in their place, looking up at a guest speaker during our mandatory morning class, wondering if they had anything to offer the pain that consumed my heart. It was a humbling experience, to say the least, because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that without the miraculous hand of God in my life, I would not be alive, let alone living a life of freedom. We both shared our testimonies and then opened it up for a Q & A. Kind of like a sorority, there are some things only a Mercy Girl would understand, and it was really fun to be able to candidly offer suggestions and reassurance on an inside level.  I know that this project is going to turn into something great, but if the entire trip were only to speak to those girls, it would have been worth it a thousand times over.

The girls asked some amazingly insightful questions, and the Spirit spoke through both of us - sometimes a little more bluntly than I would have answered on my own! But one of the questions really got me thinking:
"What is one thing you would do differently if you could go back and go through Mercy again?" 

The other graduate and I answered in a couple of different ways, but even after I was on the airplane, this was on my heart.... I would have stopped working SO dang hard to heal myself and surrendered much sooner. Part of the program at Mercy is weekly assignments to read certain books and listen to teaching CDs. My counselor would select and assign materials based on where I was in my healing journey. I read everything from Battlefield of the Mind to Ruthless Trust to The Practice of the Presence of God, and I listened to more hours of teachings and sermons than I could even begin to count.

Probably through the first 3 months or so of my stay, I thought that if I worked hard enough, read fast enough, listened carefully enough and wrote eloquently enough, I could earn my healing. I wanted to prove to God that I was serious so that maybe He'd notice and throw a little sanity my way. Consequently, I was distracted, stressed, and exhausted most of the time. Mercy life can be pretty fast-paced, and while there is set aside time to work on "homework", they kept us pretty busy with other things. It wasn't until about my fourth month in St. Louis that I finally started to get a grip on the concept of Grace. Grace changed everything. 

"Mercy" and "Grace" are used pretty interchangeably in the Bible, so most people think the two words mean the same thing. Both are gifts from God and both are undeserved, but here's the difference:

Mercy is God's undeserved favor. God shows us mercy when we don't get what we deserve and when we get what we don't deserve. For example, I did something wrong, but because of God's mercy, I did not have to pay the consequence. I did not earn this, but because of God's mercy, He gave it to me anyway.

Grace is God's power working in us to do what we could never do by ourselves. God gives us grace - His power in our lives - to do good works. Our human nature is weak and prone to evil, but by God's grace, we are able to live righteously and do good work for Him. God's grace - His power in our lives - is also what changes and transforms our souls into the likeness of Christ.

See the difference? They're used interchangeably because there is nothing we did to deserve Grace. Grace is an act of Mercy.

I say all of that to say this:
No matter how hard I tried, I could not heal myself. No matter how much information I put into my brain, it was only by the GRACE of God - His power in my life - that my soul was transformed and renewed. All I had to do was surrender to His work. Understand, God does not force - He invites. God does not push - He draws. God's amazing grace cannot work in my life until I allow it to. And a lot of times, that means getting out of the way.
It may not have changed a lot about what I was doing, but it sure would have changed what I was experiencing. I could have read those books with the faith and knowledge that God was going to use them according to His will. I could have enjoyed myself a little more, knowing that the pressure of transformation wasn't on me, it was up to Him.

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God" (Ephesians 2:8)

I used to read that, "For it is by God's undeserved favor you have been saved..." Which is nice! And true! And reiterated by the statement, "and this not from yourselves". Of course God's favor is not from myself....
But look at this... "For it is by God's power working in you that you have been saved... And this power is not from yourselves...(you can't save yourself)... it is the gift of God."

Grace doesn't mean we lie down and quit doing. It's a quiet surrender of the Spirit that yields to faith and trust. Push the seed deep into the brown-black soil and walk away. Don't wake in the middle of the night frantic that maybe you didn't do enough to make it sprout. Let God do His thing with that seed. It will sprout in His way in His time while you surrender your worry and striving to Him. In fact, if you get in there every three hours and dig the seed up to see if it's doing anything, it'll likely never sprout. Get out of the way and let God's miracle of Grace do its thing. It's all a part of receiving.

More thoughts on Fasting

Well this has been a most interesting almost three weeks! Watch out, you who may be subscribed to this blog, hopefully you won't be overwhelmed by all that may come spilling out of me! :) Ah well, it's God anyway.



This whole experience of fasting has been really eye opening. I came across this verse, and it describes so well the purpose and plan of God in fasting. Here's how it kind of breaks down:

2 Corinthians 7:1
Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
2 Corinthians 7:1-3 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 7 (Whole Chapter)




"Therefore, since we have these promises..." 
Fasting, for me, had to come out of a spirit of gratefulness. It's not about striving to earn God's approval or acting pitiful before God so that He'll answer my prayers. Fasting (and all spiritual disciplines, for that matter) should spring out of a heart so overwhelmed by the extravagant love of God, that we can't help but respond in every way that is honoring to Him. It should be as natural as the goofy grin we get on our faces when a friend drops off a surprise Starbucks. Fasting is my goofy grin to God. 


"let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body..." 
Fasts that eliminate certain foods actually set your body into a detoxification mode. Our bodies need a rest from constantly having to process out the mess we put into it. There's a whole physiology that I don't claim to know anything about, but I do know that 2-3 Diet Cokes per day probably weren't helping my little cells do their thing.


"and spirit..." 
One of the weirdest side-effects (I guess you can call it that) of this fast, is that I haven't had a desire to watch certain things or engage in certain forms of entertainment. There's a video game that my husband and I regularly play together as a way to have a cheap date of sorts. Since we started the fast, I've had no desire to play. Not an aversion, really, but it just hasn't crossed my mind as something I'd like to do! I've been sleeping a whole lot more, which is good for the body and the spirit, I think. Because I've made too much a habit of staying up way too late watching some stupid show or another. 
Instead, I've been really trying to make a point to meet with God every day and to feed into the gaps left by cutting out certain entertainments. 


"perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."
The word "perfect" has always tripped me up when it shows up in scripture. I associate "perfect" with way too many failures in my life. I've learned, though, that it is acceptable/biblical/scholarly accurate to substitute the word "perfect" in scripture for "mature". So this Paul is writing about "maturing in holiness..." This makes so much sense to me. When we mature, things that used to interest us no longer interest us. Things that didn't used to make sense start to click into place. Impatience gives way to a longer-term vision. Maturing is an awesome result of fasting. And we want to be mature, because reverence for God requires maturity. God deserves to be honored for the place He holds in this universe. Yes, He is intimate and good and ever-present, but He is also the Creator, the giver of life, the One who is wiser than any man could ever dream. As much as I want to cultivate my knowledge of His immediacy, I also want to devote time toward cultivating my awe of His transcendence. 


So that's the Bible-student version of what's been going on during this fast. 
How has that played out in real life? I've been woken up to dreams I had forgotten about, challenged in my faith, blessed in ways I may have missed before, been exposed to parts of my soul that are downright nasty, and come into a new appreciation for God's sovereignty. I hear Him more easily, obey Him a little more readily, and worship Him more passionately. 
None of this is because I am awesome, it is because HE is. There are things God is showing me about myself that Satan would love to magnify until I'm so swallowed up shame that I can't move. But God's not about condemnation, He is about restoration.


Oh I have so much to share. :)
Look out blogger world. She's on Fiiiiaaaa!

...but God wears eternity

I couldn't sleep tonight. I had so much on my mind, I felt like I was lying on the track at the Indy 500 attempting a nap. Finally, I got up, texted a friend, made tea, and sat down with my journal. (by her advice)

I started writing a list. "I have to do this... I need to figure out this... I need to plan this..." And finally my words turned into a prayer. God, I can't do this. I don't even want to! It's time to trim the tree, and I want to run for cover. Visions of hot chocolate, Christmas music, and laughing children are stomped out by a wave of nausea. Lord, please, sort this out for me. Figure this out - tell ME what to do.

And then I prayed, "Let me be your personal assistant for my life." 

I laughed at myself. What a weird and random prayer. But honestly, it helped everything make sense in my head. Apparently the Holy Spirit is up on corporate culture.

Just this past week, I watched "The Devil Wears Prada" for the first time in a long time. I'm sure most have seen it, but for those who haven't: It's about a young lady that moves to New York to be a journalist, only to find herself looking for just about any job that will pay the rent. She interviews for the position of the Personal Assistant (#2) to a notoriously difficult woman - the Editor in Chief of a major fashion magazine. The movie is about the young woman's struggle to maintain her identity and relationships while half killing herself to keep up with the insane demands of her boss.
It's cute, it's witty, and it has a happy ending. I won't spoil it just in case. (As if it weren't entirely predictable)

God is not the fictional Miranda Priestly. But I see how the metaphor loosely fits. 
God is neither impossibly demanding nor a slave-driver of a boss. However, our lives do start to look differently as we surrender our wills to His.

The boss knows whom to meet with and why. The boss knows what he needs and where to get it. The boss is the one in charge of organizing his complex life, while his personal assistant does the footwork and smaller tasks.
Similarly, God knows who I need to make time for and why. God knows my needs and how to provide them. God can make the most complex set of circumstances come together, because He's got the bigger picture in mind at all times. My job is to do what He asks me to do, so that we can work together to make the day to day things happen. 
Sometimes He asks me to do things that seem mundane or irrational. But it's my job to obey, trusting that He knows what He is doing. See, when I step aside, shut my mouth, and receive direction, God is free to make my life work. And because He is always good and has eternity in mind, I can trust His decisions as I go about doing what He has asked me to do. 

Let it be clear that God and I do not have a boss/employee relationship. I have chosen to serve the Lord with my life because of my love for Him. And because of the sacrifice Jesus made, I am not considered a servant but a child of God. We have a parent/child relationship. We have a best friend relationship. (John 15:15, Romans 8:15)

Free will says that I can rip the God's planner right out of his hands and try to sort out the schedule on my own. Free will says that I can walk away at any time. But I don't want that - I can't live like that. Every time I start to drift in that direction the burden becomes too heavy to bear.

I want to be God's personal assistant for my life. Tell me what to do, Lord, and I will facilitate your will in my life and in this world. 

"Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?" (Galatians 5:18, The Message)
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17)