...but God wears eternity

I couldn't sleep tonight. I had so much on my mind, I felt like I was lying on the track at the Indy 500 attempting a nap. Finally, I got up, texted a friend, made tea, and sat down with my journal. (by her advice)

I started writing a list. "I have to do this... I need to figure out this... I need to plan this..." And finally my words turned into a prayer. God, I can't do this. I don't even want to! It's time to trim the tree, and I want to run for cover. Visions of hot chocolate, Christmas music, and laughing children are stomped out by a wave of nausea. Lord, please, sort this out for me. Figure this out - tell ME what to do.

And then I prayed, "Let me be your personal assistant for my life." 

I laughed at myself. What a weird and random prayer. But honestly, it helped everything make sense in my head. Apparently the Holy Spirit is up on corporate culture.

Just this past week, I watched "The Devil Wears Prada" for the first time in a long time. I'm sure most have seen it, but for those who haven't: It's about a young lady that moves to New York to be a journalist, only to find herself looking for just about any job that will pay the rent. She interviews for the position of the Personal Assistant (#2) to a notoriously difficult woman - the Editor in Chief of a major fashion magazine. The movie is about the young woman's struggle to maintain her identity and relationships while half killing herself to keep up with the insane demands of her boss.
It's cute, it's witty, and it has a happy ending. I won't spoil it just in case. (As if it weren't entirely predictable)

God is not the fictional Miranda Priestly. But I see how the metaphor loosely fits. 
God is neither impossibly demanding nor a slave-driver of a boss. However, our lives do start to look differently as we surrender our wills to His.

The boss knows whom to meet with and why. The boss knows what he needs and where to get it. The boss is the one in charge of organizing his complex life, while his personal assistant does the footwork and smaller tasks.
Similarly, God knows who I need to make time for and why. God knows my needs and how to provide them. God can make the most complex set of circumstances come together, because He's got the bigger picture in mind at all times. My job is to do what He asks me to do, so that we can work together to make the day to day things happen. 
Sometimes He asks me to do things that seem mundane or irrational. But it's my job to obey, trusting that He knows what He is doing. See, when I step aside, shut my mouth, and receive direction, God is free to make my life work. And because He is always good and has eternity in mind, I can trust His decisions as I go about doing what He has asked me to do. 

Let it be clear that God and I do not have a boss/employee relationship. I have chosen to serve the Lord with my life because of my love for Him. And because of the sacrifice Jesus made, I am not considered a servant but a child of God. We have a parent/child relationship. We have a best friend relationship. (John 15:15, Romans 8:15)

Free will says that I can rip the God's planner right out of his hands and try to sort out the schedule on my own. Free will says that I can walk away at any time. But I don't want that - I can't live like that. Every time I start to drift in that direction the burden becomes too heavy to bear.

I want to be God's personal assistant for my life. Tell me what to do, Lord, and I will facilitate your will in my life and in this world. 

"Why don't you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?" (Galatians 5:18, The Message)
"Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." (2 Corinthians 3:17)

Slaves of what?

My blogging has severely lapsed over the summer. I started writing in January as a source of accountability and to share what God is doing in my life. It was meant to keep my gaze upward, looking for God in the little things. And it totally worked! The Lord continued to speak to my heart, and in big or little, significant or not, I wrote about them and it helped solidify things inside of me.

Seems, though, that the busier my life gets, the less I write. It's not that God's stopped moving or speaking to me! In fact, as I sit to blog today, I can think of so many topics that I'd love to write about. It's that I'm not taking the time to honor Him by slowing down and publicly recognizing His awesome hand in my life. It has less to do with my writing or its content, and more to do with my heart and priorities. Weird what a little blog can show!

To that end, A word was planted in my mind on Sunday and won't leave. I went with my dear friend to her home church, and the topic in Bible class (I can't remember what their Sunday School is called) was "slavery". As the teacher spoke, several verses flooded my mind, and I thought about all that I've learned in this past year or so about being a slave.

The second part of 2 Peter 2:19 is the phrase that has been resonating with me since Sunday. "...for a man is a slave to whatever has mastered him" (NIV). 







When I think of slave, I think of one completely subject to the will of another. That makes my heart lurch. I hate being told what to do. Silly example, but I sometimes resent having to sit through the safety demonstration in an airplane. Flying out to Nashville this past weekend, I was woken up by a flight attendant who told me to turn my iPod off so that we could safely land. WOKEN UP, because apparently my crazy iPod waves are going to interfere with their auto-pilot instruments... It's funny, but the point is, I cringe when I am told what I must and must not do. I think that most people internally buck the system when it seems we have been given an ultimatum. However, none of this comes close to the concept of slavery.

Slavery in Biblical times was a simple matter of fact. It was a part of their cultural dynamic and governing system, so when Jesus and the apostles talked about being a slave, it resonated with the people. Even though slavery in the United States was abolished in 1865, the concept should resonate with us as well.

John 8:34 "Jesus replied, 'I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin'" (NIV emphasis mine).
This is where that famous and most often quoted verse comes in: "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed" John 8:36. (I didn't want to just leave it dead ended like that)

But Jesus was making a bold point in verse 34. Sin is a brutal master. I've heard it said that sin will take you further than you ever wanted to go and demand more of you than you ever wanted to give. Addiction is a good example, but not the only example. We are slaves to whatever we give ourselves. In Matthew 6:24, Jesus made the point, "No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other." He goes on to say, "You cannot serve both God and Money." (NIV)

The point is this: Either I am serving God, or I am serving something else. Either I am a slave to sin or I am a slave to righteousness/holiness. Two huge indicators for me are, what am I giving my heart to? And what am I giving my time to?

What consumes my thoughts? Where does my mind go in the quiet moments?
Does it go to the to-do list, a relationship, or what's on TV? Do I spend most of my time thinking about my looks or my weight or my next meal? Or does my mind go to the things I'm grateful for, the people I'm praying about, the next assignment He has for me?

I have a mind that tends to race (understatement), so sometimes the most obvious indicator is where I spend my time. What am I spending my 24 hours a day on? How much TV am I watching, or on my computer, or Facebook, or video games? What relationships do I give time to? How much am I working or studying? And, more importantly sometimes, What am I "too busy" to do?

Hear me: I'm not talking about a life where every single thing I do has to do with church. Joyce Meyer says that sometimes the most holy thing you can do is take a nap. Jesus is talking about something bigger than Facebook and American Idol and Ben and Jerry's. It's about the posture of my heart. What am I giving myself to? Because we're all a slave to something.

I want to be a slave to the only Master that matters. Jesus set me free from sin so that I could be a slave to righteousness - a slave to the heart of God. In that light, spending all day long washing dishes, cutting the crust off of sandwiches, and wrestling my four-year-old down for a nap is giving myself to the work that God has called me to! (if I do it with the right attitude) Pouring time into quality relationships is living for the Lord. It's not a matter of works. No one can earn God's grace. Also, we cannot do any good without God's power working in and through us.

God is asking me to look at the things I am allowing to control me in life. It's startling and humbling and leads me back to the center, which should be and always will be Christ. Life's chaotic, but Jesus is the master of my chaos, and He brings peace and order and calm. I just need a reminder sometimes.

When I get overwhelmed and confused by clutter and demands, one of my favorite verses always puts things back into perspective for me. It's one of the few verses I actually have memorized.

1 Corinthians 2:2, "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." (NIV)

big week, big God

It's been a big week at the Wagoner house, and it's only Thursday. 

Monday began a critical audit at Kurt's workplace. Basically, the official officials from the "client" come to evaluate and check for errors in the "product". Kind of like a spell check, except much more subjective and dealing with millions of dollars.  My husband is of the rock-steady variety.  Our life is far from predictable, and I feel like he handles it really well.  I'm just so tuned in to the emotional climate in my home, that even when he simply lies on the bed with his shoes and tie still on and closes his eyes, my heart breaks for him. I know he's exhausted on a level beyond the amount of sleep he did or didn't get last night.

Monday also began my sojourn back into academia.  I have a passion for learning, experiencing, and sharing new things, so school is so much fun for me. I never got a chance to finish my Bachelors degree in Creative Writing, and it's always been a desire of my heart to graduate from college.  (I don't know why. No one else understands it either. lol)  When I found a distance learning program through Regent University that would allow me to complete a Bachelors in Christian Ministry, I felt a prompting from God to go for it. Things lined up and fell into place for me to start classes this summer, so here I am! It's a rare gift to be able to study something I'm so interested in, while knowing that I am taking steps toward the dreams that God has placed in my heart. I'm in freshman level courses to fill in the gaps from my transfer, so the course load isn't difficult, but it's going to be interesting to see how this extra responsibility adds in to my already full life.

And then there's the "life stuff".  The boys are almost done with school for the year, so we're in the *spring fever* season. For an ADHD child, added community-wide restlessness is not helpful. Isaac's handling it, but it's mentally exhausting for him. He's come home weepy and emotional almost every day. Annabelle showed up with a cold in the last day or two that's turning into an upper-respiratory issue. She was up in the middle of the night last night, struggling to breathe. We did the hot-shower treatment to open up her little airway, and it helped. She's doing fine today, but the nights get kind of scary with colds like these. I have two very close friends moving away within the next ten days and another very close friend getting married at the end of the month!  Our friend and Worship Pastor is overseas, and Kurt has been asked to help fill in some of the gaps in the teams this weekend.

And then, last night, we got word that Kurt's aunt has passed away suddenly from complications from surgery.  He's doing alright, but it's difficult to see the family hurting. She was my father-in-law's sister, and the daughter of "Granny" and "Old Man", whom we visited in Ft. Lauderdale in March.

So, yeah, life is busy and unpredictable! In the past, my idealistic thinking would take this as a cumulative disaster.  There is a deep sense of unrest that comes with feeling out of control of the circumstances I face, and that unrest translates into "stress".  Having to be malleable to change, adapting my plans and my thinking, and letting go of expectations is contrary to my nature. I seek comfort and stability, routine and security, and I wish to control every aspect of my life so that those four things happen the way that I plan for them!  In my life, "stress" is seeking to control situations and circumstances beyond my control, and "chaos" is giving up control to the circumstances themselves; allowing life to toss me about like driftwood in the ocean.

God, (thank God), offers a happy medium. My theistic worldview allows me to believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is someone greater than me ordering this world. My personal relationship with God in Christ allows me to believe that God is good all of the time, therefore He is trustworthy in His order.  And if I live my life according to the presumptions and convictions of my heart, then I need not be shaken by the unknowns.  I am able to rest in true peace, knowing my Father has it under control. Even when I can't see three steps in front of me, I trust the ground will still be there when I get there.

I found this scripture early this week, and even though I've read it a thousand times, it brought me true peace.  Hopefully it can bring comfort to your chaos when you need it.

"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns.  Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down.  It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life."  Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

neverending fairy tale

Admittedly, I've been in bit of a black hole since we got back from vacation.  I did a lot of theatre in high school, and I used to have a recurring dream where I would be shoved onto the stage midway through the second act with no idea what my lines were. I'd stand there in the spotlight while the other principal character grinned at me, completely at a loss for words. Usually, I'd end up improvising and trying to play it off, but then my dreams progressed to where I didn't even know which play I was in!
Yeah, coming back from vacation is kind of like that.
"What's my line?"

There are so few constants in this life. Especially with three kids in the house and time moving so fast I feel like I'm running from "The Nothing". I never know what any given day is going to look like, despite my best efforts to plan. I don't know what's going to come in the mail, who's going to be sick, how motivated I'm going to feel, if my daughter's going to have an attitude, my son's going to be suspended from school, or my husband's going to have a job next week. I find myself continuing to try to control things, but they just crumble through my fingers. "I used to have such big, strong hands." (What's with The Neverending Story script in my head today?)

Hahaha

Anyway... (sorry, this Neverending Winter is going to my head I think) ;)

Yesterday in @heartsomaha, Dr Deb was talking about the story of Esther.  It's hard, I think, to always bring a fresh perspective to such a famous (and twice made movie) story. But she really got us thinking about how we see ourselves, and how we approach our King.  Do we walk around as paupers? Poor and undeserving, lowly and terrified, bashful and constantly trying to earn time with the king...  Or do we see ourselves as royalty?  Secure in our inheritance, confident in our position, knowing that we are loved and desired, operating in authority...

It challenged me to rethink my attitude. Because I've made Jesus Christ the Lord of my life, I'm adopted as a daughter of the King of Kings. That makes me royalty by definition. So why am I worrying myself over the unpredictable things in life, when I have full access to the One who can make anything happen? A princess knows the heart of her father, the King. And I know that the heart of God is good. So while things in life are rarely "easy-mode", I don't have to worry. I can rest easy in the arms of the King and let him be the constant. There is so much security in knowing that I am safe. I am taken care of.  In the midst of incredible trial, I am held. 

Take this identity as royalty as many different directions as you please, but for me, at this time, I just need to know that He's got it. I don't have to control everything. (Hark!) It's a weight off.

There's an awesome book called,  "His Princess, Love Letters from Your King" by Sheri Rose Shepherd. Here is an excerpt from the heart of the King.

   "My Princess... I am your peace.

      I long to give you rest for your soul and peace in your heart.  I know sometimes it looks like life has no peace to offer - just one big problem after another. It's true that the world is filled with hatred, envy, and every sort of evil, so please don't be looking for peace in people or attempting to position yourself where there are no problems.  The kind of peace the world tries to offer is built on false hope and man-made idols that will eventually crumble.  The peace I give you will transcend any trial or tribulation that comes against you because it is supernatural. So position yourself completely in My care, and let go of all those things you cannot control.  Then you will find true peace.  In the middle of chaos and confusion, I will always be your safe place - a place of peace.  I'm asking you, My princess, to share with others the peace I give freely to you.

   Love, 

   Your King and you Perfect Peace"

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

"And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."                2 Corinthians 6:18

my scars or his?

I was looking at my arms this morning. They carry the scars of the times I tried to "do it myself". I thought about posting a picture, but I remember the gridlock of my battle with the addiction of self-injury, and I do not want to cause anyone to struggle.
Every time I look at them, though, I remember the failed attempts to control, manipulate, and survive this gift of life. Everyone carries scars from the times in their lives that they tried to handle things their own way instead of His way. I don't know that I'd go so far as to call it a "privilege" to carry my scars on my physical body, but it sure is easy to notice. Although, it wouldn't take much soul-searching to find the "hidden" scars as well.

This morning, I woke up to an amazing string of text messages from a friend of mine. They spoke life, authority, support, and encouragements into my circumstances. The thing is, I know that those words didn't just come from her. I know she would agree that they came from the heart of my Father God. One of her last statements was, "you are surely on the heart of God today!"

My husband was getting ready to go out of town for the weekend to help lead worship for our church's youth group retreat. Meanwhile, he's telling me about our son, Alex, who woke up at 5:30 this morning with a very high fever. At the same time, we're getting Isaac off to school and trying to arrange rides for my daughter, Annabelle, to go with her best friend to swimming lessons. It was a whirlwind from just before 8am until just before 10am.  But as the dust settles, and I'm alone in the house with my sleeping son, I am brought to my knees by the simple statement, "you are surely on the heart of God today!"

What? Who am I? I'm one of billions... just trying to live out my life with a heart postured toward Christ. But He reached out to me through this dear friend, knowing that I needed to hear from Him now more than ever. And it's not just her... God speaks to me through so many people all of the time. I just have to be attuned to the tone of His voice.

Oh God, I don't want to do this by myself. I'm responding to your invitation to stand strong in the waterfall of your Grace. Take the lead. I surrender to your magnificence. You have the power to make the sick well, to raise the dead, to forgive sins, and to move the hearts of kings, nations, and mountains. I am nothing without you. I don't want any more scars. I want to do it your way - completely. Lead on, Holy Spirit. I will follow you.


"Remember how you were when you didn't know God, led from one phony god to another, never knowing what you were doing, just doing it because everybody else did it? It's different in this life.  God wants us to use our intelligence, to seek to understand as well as we can.  For instance, by using your heads, you know perfectly well that the Spirit of God would never prompt anyone to say "Jesus be damned!" Nor would anyone be inclined to say "Jesus is Master!" without the insight of the Holy Spirit."  - 1 Corinthians 12: 2-3 (The Message)

"Those who think they can do it on their own end up obsessed with measuring their own moral muscle but never get around to exercising it in real life. Those who trust God's action in them find that God's Spirit is in them -- living and breathing God! Obsession with self in these matters is a dead end; attention to God leads us out into the open, into a spacious, free life...  This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life.  It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike 'What's next, Papa?' God's Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who He is, and we know who we are: Father and children." - Romans 8:5-7, 15-16 (The Message)

"So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going to work, and walking around life - and place it before God as an offering.  Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God.  You'll be changed from the inside out." - Romans 12:1-2 (The Message)

handy man

It’s hard to have a “savior” unless we recognize our need to be saved. It’s hard to be grateful for a rescuer if we don’t feel the need to be rescued.  I don’t know if it was my pride or my stupidity that made me blind to my true condition. Maybe it was utter hopelessness or having been let down so many times in life... I had no real faith that God or anyone would ever come to my side and help me. But somewhere along the line I stopped looking for a redeemer. I stopped praying for a savior and tried to save myself. And when that failed, I tried to end myself. 

Life is not all bad, all the time. I know many, many people that are perfectly happy - seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are dead or dying spiritually.  Maybe, like me, they have a sense somewhere deep inside that there “has to be more to life”.  Maybe, like me, they’ve given up hope and decided to be content with the emptiness. Or maybe, like me, they’ve come to despise the emptiness, and after a string of vain attempt to fill the hole, they come to despise their very existence. 

Whatever level of awareness, whatever level of “drama”, I think we have to come to a place in life sooner or later where we realize that we are absolutely without hope in this life without God.  

I had a relationship with Jesus from the time I was a little girl. I went to church, read my Bible, and said my bedtime prayers. And because I had accepted Christ, I had a free ticket to heaven. But it wasn’t until I found myself face down, pinned to the floor with absolutely NO way out that I met my true Savior. Coming into the truth of my real condition brought me into an awe, appreciation, and love of my God that I had never before experienced. 

People ask me sometimes how I got to a point of intimacy with God. It’s definitely not because I’m "awesome" and I’ve done this or that to “get close”.  It’s simply that I was reduced to a place where I stared into the blackness of life without Him, and I chose to beg God to meet me. I stayed still and listened, I learned to trust (HUGE), and I LET Him rescue me. He longs for us. He hurts for us. He did all of the work. I just cried out, and He heard me.

David the psalmist king, was amazing at crying out, and I believe it’s one of the reasons he was considered “beloved of God”. 

Psalm 31 is a token passage for me.

“In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; 

let me never be put to shame; 

deliver me in your righteousness. 

Turn your ear to me,

come quickly to my rescue;

be my rock of refuge,

a strong fortress to save me.

Since you are my rock and my fortress,

for the sake of your name lead and

guide me.

Free me from the trap that is set fore me,

for you are my refuge.

Into your hands I commit my spirit;

redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.

It’s interesting to me that Christ used these exact words on the cross. An act of complete, obedient surrender... “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit...” (Luke 23:46)

God, let me be so completely yours that I can confidently release control and say the words of your beloved... “Father, I place my life in your hands!”

tell me what to do

I want to share my heart a little bit. God's been dealing with me in a lot of areas, and I've been mulling over a lot of things inside... heartaches and dreams, passions and duties, frustration, hope, the future, the past...
I'm an introvert by nature. God designed me to be pretty introspective and satisfied to be alone. Conversely, He also created me to be input oriented. I learn when I teach. I'm a "sounding board" person. Expressing ideas aloud helps me sort them out in my mind. I'm also very interested in gathering a lot of information on from a variety of sources and integrating them into an opinion before I make a decision.

Kurt and I have had some decisions to make, lately. Some revolve around our seven-year old son, Isaac. He was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago, and has been desperately struggling with school and behavior at home.  Over the past year, we've watched him go from a happy kid excited about school, to one fearful, anxious, and ashamed a great deal of the time. Part of that, I know, is due to the instability in his life because of all that I had to deal with in my personal life. But part of it may be bio-chemical. Either way, he needs more help than Kurt or I can offer at this point.

Having described my temperament a little bit, my tendency has been to talk to a bunch of people, consult several "experts", take him to a couple of different doctors, read several books and articles, and then decide with Kurt our course of action.  It's really easy for me to leave God out of the equation completely.  Except that my heart is bursting for my son. It is devastating to see him hurt and struggle. And in order for me to be able to be strong for my boy, I have to lean hard into the One who will never fail us: Isaac's Creator, who knows Isaac better than I could ever dream to. So we've been praying and praying for God's will in this - calling out to Him for His wisdom, because He promises wisdom to anyone who asks for it.  Even though we're still getting conflicting opinions on the best way to proceed, I feel like we're on the right track, and we'll continue to go one step at a time.

Today's passage in Matthew really stood out to me:

Matthew 23:9 in the Message:
"Don't set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do.  Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do."

We are begging God for humility in this. For the patience to let Him lead. So, for me, instead of taking all of this information I'm gathering about ADHD treatment options and assimilating it in my mind, I'm gathering information and presenting it before God saying, "Please, Father, show me what to do."
Sometimes I have to step away entirely and just love on my little boy, as hard as that can be.
This is a real faith walk for me, I have to be honest. It's one thing when I am the one suffering, but it's a faith-shaker to watch my child suffer. I want God to fix it NOW. I want everything to be OK NOW. But I trust in our God. I trust His plan, His purposes, and His timing. And I trust that He will give the grace to each member of our family exactly as we need it, and that He will give wisdom to those we are trusting to help us through this.

Keep us in your prayers. God is good, all the time. Even when it hurts.

runaway dog

You know, I read the passages for today and nothing really jumped out at me, and I thought, "Wow, am I just not hearing from God? I'm not feeling anything..." Then God spoke. LOL
"So, it's about feelings, is it?"
Which is the same thing He said to me yesterday.

I am so emotional! I probably feel 30 different things in as many seconds. I know that my husband couldn't conceive of processing that level of brain activity, but I - being a woman - can't conceive of anything less.
I was completely subject to my feelings until this past year, when I learned that I get to decide with my will how my life will play out. My emotions are indicators, but they are not the boss of me. (insert 2nd grade playground noises)

I was challenged by my mentor to "give my emotions over to God". It was a terrifying proposition. My growing-up taught me that emotions weren't to be expressed or shared, but rather stuffed neatly away in the deep recesses of my mind. Then, when the dam did finally break, they poured out of me with a ferocity that lead me straight into lock-up.
Where is that fine line? I thought I only knew "on" or "off".  (when in reality, they were always on... it was just whether I chose to acknowledge and appropriately express them)
I was struggling greatly with this concept of letting God lead me in the emotional realm.

Genesis 1:26 says "God spoke, 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature..."
The Bible is full of places that talk of a God of love, moved by compassion, stirred into a jealous anger, grieved by our disobedience. Jesus, being human, experienced every human emotion we do. (and more)
Hebrews 4:15 says "We don't have a priest (meaning Jesus) who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all - all but the sin."

God made me human, in HIS image, and gave me these weirdo control freak emotions, and somehow He wants to be a part of ALL of me.
I love the Message translation of Matthew 22:37-40 "Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence'"

How? I won't go into it, but 2 Thessalonians 2:13 talks about the "sanctifying work of the Spirit", meaning basically that God, by the Holy Spirit, wants to make every part of the believer into the nature of Jesus Christ. He wants to take my emotions and make them like Jesus' - He wants me to experience and express my emotions, all the while glorifying God.
Ya right.

In my mind, I saw myself walking this huge, out of control black lab. The thing was dragging me down the sidewalk and I was pulling back on the leash with all of my might, just trying to stay on my feet. Somewhere, someone said, "Let go! Just let go!" So, I did! And the dog darted away from me, jumping and barking and biting and tearing apart the neighbors' gardens.
Then, I saw myself walking the same, out of control black lab.  This time, my heavenly Father was walking next to me. I was still pulling back on the leash with my arm nearly ripping out of socket. My Father said to me, "Let go. Just let go." And He placed his hands over mine and took the leash. I let go. Immediately, with an authority only a Father carries, he said, "Heel!" And the dog calmed, stop tugging at the leash, and came to His side.
In both instances I had "let go". But in giving God the leash, the dog did not destroy anything. On the contrary, it actually calmed in the Father's hands.

Every day I have to choose to let God be Lord of my emotions. I have to say, "God! I'm feeling so angry right now I don't know what to do! Please help me. I can't carry this by myself."  Sometimes He answers with insight, sometimes with peace, and sometimes with an intervention by someone He sends my way.
He already knows my heart. There is nothing secret to Him. If I'm cussing in my mind, I might as well cuss in my prayer. It's not going to shock Him.  And as I allow Him to carry the excess and "sanctify" my emotions, I become less frantic and extreme and learn to walk in the safety of His peace.
This is a daily lesson for me.

How is it going for you?