this year

I have drafts for about three different posts in the queue, but I can't seem to bring myself to finish them right now. Timing, I guess, because I've been avoiding writing about what's truly on my heart.

I didn't want to write it because it's not really all in the "spirit of the holidays". In fact, some days I'm having trouble seeing the silver lining at all. I know it's there, though. That presence of the Lord that radiates through the darkest personal moments. Sometimes it takes faith to see it.

My whole life, the beauty of this season has been tainted by a dark hand of fear - a threat or realized pain from a person in my past still refusing to let go. Our birthdays are a day apart, which he always said made me some kind of special. He had a habit of ascribing great meaning to the meaningless. So in the joy and anticipation of parties and friends and presents, I always had to deal with what would be taken from me instead of given. Any more, he is a menace - quickly losing his power and throwing a tantrum because of it. God has given me back my voice and choice to resist. God has given me friends who understand my situation and rally in the tough times. It's no longer a war I fight alone, but with an army by my side, so the enemy looks smaller and smaller every year.

Still, there is the act of faith. "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:26) speaks to letting our hands do the talking when we talk about faith in God. I think, though, that part of those "works" can be the daily walking out of what we cannot see or touch. As one who faced debilitating depression, I know it can be as simple as getting out of bed, showering, and getting dressed. Faith that the day holds more than the pain inside. Faith that God has a purpose for these moments, even the seemingly insignificant, and that His sovereign power is working out a masterpiece with all of the shattered pieces.

I still wake up heavy with the memories of this time. I still struggle with fear as the sun sets in the evening. I still take practical precautions to ensure that my family's safety is secure. Until this person has a "Road to Damascus" experience or dies, I will most likely always have to be proactive during this time.

It's unfair and infuriating and I can finally feel that. This is a precious time of celebration and giving and beauty in the simple things. This is a season of unity and the recognition of that common bond that spans color and creed and gender and social standing. And I'm incredibly grateful for what the Lord has restored to me. This is my first year home, whole, and happy in five years. I celebrated three birthdays in one treatment center or another, because of that pitiful manipulator.
This year, however, I got to enjoy my daughter's beautiful anticipation and my son's amazement that his friends from school would honor his birthday. This year, I get to live in the victory of the freedom and choices that God has given me as I celebrate the fact that I'm GLAD to be alive. I'm grateful for it.

It's another lesson in the bittersweet - in reclaiming that which the enemy stole from me, one calendar date at a time. But I don't have to do it alone, and that makes all the difference. As my counselor at Mercy used to say, "It's not the absence of struggle, but the presence of God in the midst." 

the winning team

Everyone worships something. Even the nihilist that swims in a suspension of meaninglessness worships the emptiness by giving it honor in his life. We have so many choices - God loves us enough to let us go. I don't claim to be a world views or spiritual expert, but I know God, and I know deceit, and I know that I'm loved by the One above all others. And so, for that matter, is every other person on planet Earth. 

This is so important to me. 

When a six year old child witnesses the death of another child, the concepts of good and evil, life and death, and survival instinct all come crashing into the concrete. I just wanted to be on the winning side, whatever side that was. I wanted to be on the side of the one that would let me live. Because of the chaos of my surroundings, I was in a very literal black and white world of innocence versus depravity. Let's call it what it is - the depravity of man is Satan's domain. And I learned at a very impressionable age what the cost of serving Satan can be. 

Hopefully most don't experience the battle on the front lines that way, but I know that many, many have. Fortunately and unfortunately both, most people have no idea what they are up against. The things of the kingdom of darkness are at best a novelty act. Our culture is flooded with zombies, vampires, black magic, astrology, mythology, and counterfeits of every kind. 

Pause and hear me: I'm NOT standing in my "Holy Hideout" condemning "the world" for their interest in the latest vampire series. What I see is a people with a sense of the supernatural who are doing everything they can to get near to it... but they don't necessarily know what they're looking for. (And, as a note, my kids do dress up for Halloween. They also understand our family's values.) 

My point is, I didn't know for a very long time who would come out the stronger. Of course I had heard about Creator God casting Lucifer from heaven. (Luke 10:18) But I didn't KNOW who was going to win, because darkness seemed so powerful to me. 

Lifelong story short, God showed up mightily in my life in ways that I can only begin to recount. And when light shines in the darkness, the darkness MUST flee from it. (Ephesians 5:13-14) God IS bigger and stronger and more powerful than our Enemy. Any attempt to persuade us differently is a lie. Whatever shape the darkness takes - sickness, poverty, hopelessness, calamity, and even death - I testify to the conquering power of Yahweh. He is more real than anything that can come against us. There is Hope in the name of Jesus.

"What came into existence was Life, and the Life was Light to live by.  The Life-Light blazed out of the darkness; the darkness couldn't put it out." (John 1: 4-5, The Message)

Chris Tomlin has a song we sang at Lifegate this morning, and the words are Truth. 

I found it so appropriate, on a day that the occult has marked as a celebration of the Deceiver, that the power of the Holy Spirit would show up and break loose the chains of fear and doubt in peoples' hearts. 

Our voices rang out and the shadows had to recede, because Satan knows that he has been defeated.

"Our God is greater, our God is stronger,

God, you are higher than any other..."

The keen survival instincts that I developed as a little girl are still awake in me. But now I know which is the winning side. And I choose to worship Jesus Christ, the name above all other names. 

"Therefore God exalted him to the highest place

and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,

in heaven and on earth and under the earth,

and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,

to the glory of God the Father."

(Philippians 2:9-11, NIV)

asking the tough questions

In my pursuit of a degree in Christian Ministry, I'm enrolled in a "Worldviews" class, which is basically Comparative Religion. I've been asked to take a look at the other major ideologies, dogmas, and philosophies of our age. I've been studying Evangelical Christianity and the Christian Theist worldview - picking it apart step by step and then holding it up to the scrutiny of others to discover why, in the light of so many options, I have chosen Christianity. 

Philosophically, it's frustrating. Academically, it's a challenge. Spiritually, it's an intense exercise. I've had to ask myself some pretty tough questions over the last month, but the faithfulness of God is unmatched. As I look to the other "answers" the world has to offer, I fall deeper in love with God. Deeper in love with His heart toward us. Deeper in love with the great lengths He went to bring us back to Him. So yes, I'm still a Christian, and I'm more appreciative of my faith than ever before. 

"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect..." 1 Peter 3:15

One of the great issues I've had to tackle in my faith walk has been "suffering".  I've shared in my testimony "About Me" page, that I endured some pretty severe trauma as a child, teen, and young adult. By the time I was ten years old, I was entertaining suicidal thoughts, having already been mistreated for eight years. God gave me a very strong will, however, so when my perpetrators put me in a position that even I in my confusion and fear found to be abhorrent, I protested. Needless to say, "no" was not an answer back then. The summer I was 10 years old, I spent in almost 24 hour captivity and torture. The goal of my abusers was to break my spirit. They wanted complete, unquestioned submission, so they were going to prove to me that I was powerless. My mother had lead me to the Lord when I was five years old, so I had a foundation of faith. I prayed and prayed for God to rescue me, but things got worse and worse. The enemy, through his puppets on Earth, systematically dismantled my hope that summer. I learned not to want anything. Not physical comfort, affection, entertainment, attention, social interaction, kindness, love. And I learned not to need anything. Not food, water, air, sunlight, sleep. I learned that wishing was pointless, prayer was useless, and I was powerless. 

I can not, in any way that would make sense to anyone else, explain the reason that "God would let that happen to an innocent child". I've cried out to Him since then, demanding an answer. But instead of some kind of justification, the Lord was gracious enough to show me His heart. I caught in a moment His immense grief over the situation - more an intense emotion than I've ever been able to feel for myself. 

My personal belief is that God does not cause anyone to suffer - even for the "greater good".  

There is nothing in the character of God that would suggest that He brings about calamity to teach a lesson. Here's what I know: The world is an evil place, but God is good. We are subject to that evil temporarily because we live on planet earth, but God is eternally sovereign. He has prepared a place of perfection, and He has promised to bring good out of every situation. Sh-t happens, but it does not change the fundamental character of God. He is incapable of creating bad. Everything evil in this world was our Enemy's idea, and if God intervened and stopped every evil thing from happening, He would be interrupting His promise to allow us free will - a promise He made out of love. 

Scripture says that Christ was "delivered to death", suggesting a passing off from the perfection of God's economy to the destruction of the world's. "He [Christ] was delivered over to death for our sins and was raised to life for our justification". Romans 4:25 I don't know if that makes sense, but I'm saying God didn't cause Jesus to be killed, even for us. God gave His only Son to this broken World (temporarily) where the evil of this world could have its way with Him. BUT, in the end, the Power of God conquered the evil of this world, setting in motion His plan to eradicate evil once and for all.

What about natural disasters like New Orleans and Haiti? (things that have been deemed an "act of God") The Bible calls these things "birth pains" signifying what will become a new heaven and a new earth. It doesn't mean God wants His people to suffer, or that He doesn't grieve intensely over every single lost soul.  

"Then he said to them: 'Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be great earthquakes, famines and pestilences in various places, and fearful events and great signs from heaven... There will be signs in the sun, moon, and stars. On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity at the roaring and tossing of the sea. Men will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken.  At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.  When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near." (Luke 21: 10-11 and 25-28)

I didn't understand this truth - especially at 10 years old. I assumed either God couldn't save me, or worse, I wasn't worth saving. I had great faith in the God of the Bible, so I knew he could make the Red Sea part and raise Lazarus from the dead. My suspicion was less in God's character and capability as it was in my own worthiness. I had done something terribly, terribly wrong to deserve the torture. 

That lie haunted the deepest reaches of my heart where shame kept it vaulted away from even my own consciousness.  In order to allow God to reach that place in my heart, I had to go back and reveal to Him the pain of that summer, the incredible shame I felt, and the many, many questions I had. 

At first, it was easier to accept my own fault, because it allowed my picture of God to remain intact. As I understood my own value, I began to question God's. And I think that's a fairly common progression of thought. 

I was tempted to believe that God was a catalyst to set the world in motion and then left it to spin on its own. I wanted to believe that God was dead and the things that happened to me were bad luck or chance. He couldn't rescue me because He didn't exist. I wanted to believe that maybe it was just Karmic justice. Maybe I had been a kitten murderer in another life. (I say that tongue in cheek, but there was some truth to that hope) 

Ultimately, it wasn't by reason or philosophy or by intellect that I learned the Truth. It was learning to trust in my Abba, God, just enough to rest my head on His chest and listen to His heart. And I wilted into arms that said, "I love you. I hate that you were hurt. I'm going to make it right. Please, baby, just trust me." And the power of the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, spoke peace into my soul. 

He spoke Truth and faith and assured me of the things I wanted so desperately to hold onto as a child. Slowly, all of the hope I lost when I was 10 came back. All of that shame and fear and pain, though I remember it vividly and with grief in my heart, lost its power over me. I was able to rest in the arms of a trust-worthy God.

My faith is justifiable by rhetoric and philosophy. It's argumentable by Scripture. But the ultimate stand of my Faith, is that I worship a LIVING God, who takes an active role in revealing Himself to us. It is by that revelation my faith is strengthened and matured. And no other god in the world can offer personal revelation. Even transcendental meditation whereby a person seeks to empty themselves and become one with the One Being, there is no revelation by a personal, loving, good, God. Their One Being can't cradle them in His arms and cry with them, and that's exactly what my Abba did with me on the front porch in the rain.

I didn't really intend to go this direction with this post, but maybe someone needed to hear it.

I share my heart, because I know that my experiences aren't unique. God's longs to reveal Himself to each one of us - in different ways in different times, but the same non-the-less. My encouragement to anyone who may come across this post is to keep seeking, keep asking. Don't let the cynicism of this age strip your hope from you. That's no worse than being held physically captive. Fight against the lies. Fight to find the Truth, because He's offering it. 

God bless you all, I love you dearly.

50th Post!!

It's my 50th post! Which is an appropriate landmark, because I've had kind of a landmark day!

I've been so busy writing for school, that I haven't had much thought or energy for what to write on my blog! As I was in my quiet time today, I was praying about what the topic for this week should be. Nothing really jumped out at me. I've been hammering out several hundred words per day in essays, debate postings, and discussions, so the creative well has been a little bit dry. At the same time, I always feel like I'm neglecting to share all that God is doing when I don't make time to blog. So I keep my heart continually open for what God would have me write.

It has been a goal of mine, ever since coming back from St. Louis, to get rid of some of the negative artifacts of my past life. In talking to a friend who also grew up as a military kid, I realize that I hold onto keep sakes with real tenacity. There were so many times in moving around that I was asked to say goodbye to someone I would never see again. I have a couple of friends from the first fifteen years of my life, but most of the people, places, and things that I treasured from that time are gone. I've also lost quite a bit of memory to the PTSD fog that surrounds the chronic trauma I experienced. In that, journals, knickknacks, jewelry, pictures, and other things become overly important. I become fearful that if I don't hold onto that scrap of paper, the memory of that time will be lost forever. Abbey put it really well when she said, "I just know that my memories don't do it justice". I feel that I need something tangible to hold on to.

There are certain things, however, that are better left in the past. I have written in journals diligently from 1998 to now. Some of those years, particularly between 2006-2009, hold very dark moments of total despair. I wrote things, drew things, and recorded experiences from that time that still hold leverage over me, and God has brought me to a place where I'm ready to let those things go. Not all of it, but certain entries that are the very opposite of life-giving. Hear me: I'm not saying that it's wrong for anyone to keep things that remind them of tough times in life. But for me, at this point, I felt the Lord saying, "It's time to move on".  I have such strong negative associations to certain things that I wrote and drew - things God has already brought me through and out of - that to go back there would just be rehashing things He has already laid to rest.

It's different for everyone. Sometimes, in letting go of a past relationship, we have to get rid of clothing or pictures that remind us of that person. Sometimes, it's getting rid of music or movies that take us to a dangerous place. For me, it was getting rid of certain pieces of jewelry, certain images, and certain journal entries.  I made sure that I was not alone, and I was prayerfully supported. I put on some worship music and started in my sketchbooks, tearing out anything I felt "check" in my spirit.
It was pretty obvious.

Once it was all said and done, I had a small box full of papers I never needed to see again. I wanted to burn them and get rid of them, but living within city limits doesn't allow for back yard bonfires. Somehow, though, I needed those papers destroyed. So the Holy Spirit prompted me to soak them in the tub. As I immersed those records in the water, I watched the ink slide off the page and one of my entire journals just slide out of its binding. I felt like that particular aspect of my past was literally being washed away.

Still not really knowing what to think or feel, I heard the Lord speak to me the phrase, "letting go of the former things..."  I looked up the reference in my concordance, and I found this in the Message Version of my Bible.

"You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything - and I do mean everything - connected with that old way of life has to go.  It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life - a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you."  Ephesians 4:20-24 (The Message)

Thank You, God, that you have given me an entirely new way of life, and that You've given me the grace to get ride of the old things. It's been quite a journey, and I know You're not finished with me yet.
I am so excited for what is to come. I know You have great and wonderful plans in store for those of us who call ourselves Yours.

call it what it is

God created me a passionate, feral, strong-willed girl. He planted dreams and desires on the inside of me that withstood hurricane storms. I can almost feel the roots of destiny wrap themselves around my heart. At times, there is a palpable tension in my chest like a little fire inside. I experience things intensely, deeply, intuitively.  My daughter is a tiny "me". She looks like her aunt Abby, but her personality is very similar to mine. Isaac, my second son, carries some of my more "high maintenance" traits. It's both good and bad in that I relate well to him, but we drive each other crazy. (Alex is almost 100% Kurt. lol)

Psychologists have debated "Nature vs. Nurture" for... ever. I'm no expert, but I've spent a lot of time on the receiving end of this argument, and I know that it is constantly evolving.  The unique combination of genetics and environment does create an almost infinite number of ways a personality could manifest. That's part of the reason that we're so unique as individuals. What I get to see play out in my kiddos is the genetic aspect. Their environment is drastically different than mine was growing up. But what I find so incredibly interesting is the simple "God vs. Satan" argument.

One of my token verses is found in Isaiah 49.  "God put me to work from the day I was born. The moment I entered the world he named me.  He gave me speech that would cut and penetrate. He kept his hand on me to protect me. He made me his straight arrow and hid me in his quiver." Later, Isaiah writes, "And now the Lord says - he who formed in the womb to be his servant..."  

The Bible is a book of destiny - of God's heart for mankind, His desire for relationship, what He did to draw us close to Him, and what we need to do in response.  It's also a book that speaks of a war that has been raging since before there was a concept called "time".  And when mankind entered the scene, Lucifer took us by the neck and held us for ransom. (rude.)

It plays out on a macro level, and it plays out in our individual lives. God has a purpose, a plan, and even  a name in mind for all of us before we are born. It exists in the spiritual realm where time is no factor. And what God can see in us in that realm, I believe Satan can also see.  He comes against us from birth to try to interrupt God's destiny. Look at the life of Jesus Christ, even.  Born in a cave-barn,  King Herod wanted him dead so badly that he murdered every baby boy two years old or younger in the region. That's intense!  But, God...

See, I don't think it's what Satan throws against us that trips us up so badly as what we believe about ourselves as a consequence. It wasn't the physical effects of the abuse that affected me 20 years later, it was the beliefs that it was my fault, that I was worthless and damaged, that I deserved nothing better. It was my distorted views on love, acceptance, control, and the character of God Himself that nearly took my life. My journey through healing has been a journey back to my destiny. It's been a path of overcoming the works of the enemy in my life and learning to see myself the way that God has always seen me.

Sometimes, seeing the battle for what it is - fighting to kick Satan in the teeth for trying to manipulate me - makes it easier. And if not easier, then more hopeful! We can't change "Nature", and we can't change how we were "Nurtured" (or lack thereof in some cases), but in Christ, we have definite authority over the work of Satan. Learning how to walk in authority is one of the great adventures in life.

Intentions and Affections

I liked the passages for today. (See the reading list for Jan 25 below) I've read them before, but each time, God brings new insight and new understanding.

The story of Joseph is amazing. It's been popularized and plagiarized to the point I think it has lost its power to some of us.  But I really relate to this guy. And I want my life to shine with the example his did.

Starting in Genesis 37, Moses recounts the coming-of-age story of Joseph. Long story short, this boy could not catch a break! He was gifted and despised for it. He was betrayed and left for dead by his own family. He was sold as an object, taken to a place where he knew no one and no one knew him, thrown in jail for trying to do the right thing, abandoned by someone who promised to help him, ignored, displaced, and then asked to help the very brothers that had so badly mistreated him.

There are plenty of counts that prove Joseph's humanity. He wasn't some noble, arrogant, shoo-in for the throne of some foreign country. He was deeply emotional, deeply intuitive, and deeply in love with his God.  The part of the story we read today is one of my favorite promises in the Bible.

Joseph is placed in a position of incredible power. He had the ability, motivation, and clout to have his entire family executed. And frankly, his brothers were afraid of him.

They come to him, begging his forgiveness.

I stop here and think, because of the pain in my own heart toward certain people. And I have forgiven them as an act of obedience to God, but the wounds in my soul are harder to heal. Honestly, I think that's ok! I think it's normal. I have to constantly pray for God's heart toward someone... to see them through His eyes. And I know the emotions will follow. Forgiveness does not mean it's "alright". It does not mean forgetting.  Forgiveness means that I have forfeited the right to revenge (and eye for an eye), and given the power of justice back to my heavenly Father, trusting that He will make everything "alright" in the end. And that's exactly what Joseph did here.

Genesis 50:18-20 "His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. "We are your slaves," they said.  But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid.  Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

After all he'd been through, Joseph recognized the sovereignty of God over his life. The story of God does not begin and end with me. It just doesn't. The story of God is an epic that plays out over eternity, and my role is what it is, even if it means that God has to take something heinous and turn it out for the good of "saving many lives".

The word "sovereignty" is big for me. When I don't understand, and I want to ask God "why?!", I know that He knows the answers, and He is in control. And that only works if I understand His heart and His intentions toward me.  The story of Joseph is an awesome example of life just smacking... and God's intentions in the midst.

What do you think God's intentions are? Do you really believe that He is good? Really?

Do my own words hold more meaning because you know that I have greatly suffered?

Stinky Mango

Matthew 12:15 - 14:12

It's so funny that we read this portion today, because yesterday on Facebook, I commented on a friend's question.

Kacy Aycock Do people act the way they do because of the events surrounding them or are their reactions the result of the kind of people they are?

Yesterday at 3:46pm · Comment · 

Rnesha Baldwin

ooooooohhh DEEP!! good question!

Yesterday at 3:54pm

Sarah Cook

let me know when you figure it out :)

Yesterday at 4:45pm

Angie Karriker Sparks

80% of the time it's just the kind of people they are, but about 20% of the time I would say it's because of the events sorrounding them, such as stress :)

Yesterday at 4:46pm

Emily Wagoner

Out of the abundace of the heart, the mouth speaks. I think our truest nature is revealed by the external pressure sqeezing out who we are. :)

Yesterday at 4:54pm · 

Candace J. Davis

I think it's both. Some people got some stuff in their lives that they are trying to figure out. Some strongholds, as you know, can completely mask who a person really is. I'm sure when I first come into your life, you had second, third, etc. thoughts about who I really was. When I started to calm down, you saw that I was really someone else who ...See More

Yesterday at 5:50pm

Joy Laschober

It's the result of how they react to the events that happen to them. Attitude is the factor that determines how your life will turn out. People with terrible circumstances and a great attitude have a better life than those with great situations and a bad attitude!!!

2 hours ago

I was just answering off the cuff, and I don't know that there is one "right" answer, because I don't know that it's a legitimate question. I mean, define "the kind of people" a person is.

But what I haphazardly quoted showed up in Matthew 12:33-35   "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit.  You brood of vipers (speaking to the religious hypocrites),  how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.  The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."

I know, in reading this in the past, the words "good" and "evil" really put me off. To me, it sounded condemning and judgmental; as if I had two options - to be "good", or to be "evil".  Does that mean that if I blow up at my husband over something stupid, that there is "evil" in my heart? EVIL? Like the FRU-ITS of the DEVIL? EVIL? :)
So here's how The Message Bible puts it:

"If you grow a healthy tree, you'll pick healthy fruit.  If you grow a diseased tree, you'll pick worm-eaten fruit.  The fruit tells you about the tree."

I like the words "healthy" and "diseased" better. In talking to the dark, religious hypocrites who only had it in mind to trap Jesus, He was definitely talking to people who had chosen to war against God and His Christ. But I think this also applies to those of us who have chosen to live the life of a disciple, but still are "dis-eased" in our souls.
I had a transformed Spirit when I asked God to re-make me. But my soul was desperately ill.  It was poisoned for years by abusive people in my life, and I ate the fruit of that poisoned root my entire life. There were toxins in me  - unforgiveness, bitterness, self-hatred, suicidality, depression, shame, shame, shame.  The fruits were an eating disorder, self-injury, insomnia, ruined relationships, suicide attempts, etc.  I viewed the world through a filter of lies, the produce of my life wreaking.
I was going to heaven for sure, but my heart was sick, so the overflow was self-destructive.

Joyce Meyer has a book called "Beauty for Ashes" that talks a lot about the results of a poisoned "root system", following after the example of the "fruit of the tree".  Neil T. Anderson also has a great book called "Victory Over the Darkness".
The latter describes very well the journey of healing I have been on.  I've babbled on long enough, but let me say that God has been cutting off the unhealthy branches and ripping out the poisoned roots in my life, replacing them with healthy, life-giving nutrients.
I am definitely not perfect, but in learning what it means to release bitterness and anger, in letting Christ cover my shame, and in allowing the Word of God to pour into the desert inside of me, my health is being restored, and the fruits - the natural reactions, words, attitudes, and behaviors that flow out of me - are much, much more tasty.

So that's part of my testimony. LOL
I stand by my answer to Kacy. :)