I wanted to post one more blog before I leave town. There's a good chance we'll have internet at Kurt's grandparents' house, but I'm not positive. Hopefully I'll get to write... I've been missing it so much.
Mentioned in my last post that I've been sick. Really sick - in bed wiped out bacterial infection - sick. It wasn't until today, four days into antibiotics and finally feeling more myself, that I realized how unwell I've truly been. It's hard to have perspective in the moment, but it's like that hum you don't notice until it stops. The sudden "silence" and ability to think in contrast to how I've been the last almost month is startling!
Anyway, I digress.
I sort of feel like I've been spit out by a whale. There's a verse that talks about God's mercies being new every morning. A fresh start, a clean slate every day. I wasn't sure of the reference, so I went to my "The Strongest NIV Exhaustive Concordance" by Goodrick and Kohlenberger III (sounds impressive, huh? LOL) and there is a full three columned page on "morning, morning's and mornings". In the Bible there is so much reference to dawn and morning and birth and re-birth. God is a HUGE fan of "new".
I drop back in awe.
It's difficult to verbalize the amazing, cleansing freedom of a life in Christ. I never knew. I think everyone knows the agony of regret. Big or small... life-changing or just a wrong turn in the middle of a day, there is a tearing inside that is almost unmatched in human suffering when it comes to regret.
I've talked to several God-given guides in my life about this lately, but it is becoming more and more apparent to me that I have lived under a constant umbrella of guilt and regret. That hum. It's exhausting and life-stealing. And though God's walked me through a TON of the "why" and "what" of it, there is work yet to be done in that area. It's a dark, evil place - regret. Because there is NOTHING I can do about something already said and done. I make amends, take responsibility, and ask forgiveness, but then what?
Joyce Meyer says this, "God will tell you what you are about to do wrong so you can change your mind before you make a mistake. Satan waits until it's too late, when you can no longer do anything about it, and then tries to bring regret and ultimate condemnation upon you." (Enjoying Where You Are on the Way to Where You Are Going)
Yep.
God's economy can be summed up in one word: "Morning"
Daybreak. It's almost like taking a really deep breath of cool, clean air. A sigh of relief followed by a rush of joy and gratitude that brings me to tears. Oh, God, you are so good.
Lamentations 3:19-24
"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.'" (emphasis mine)
How amazing that every 24 (ish) hours we get a sun-up reminder of God's unrelenting, merciful love?
There's no regret in God's economy. Consequences, sometimes, but NEVER regret. Just love... love love love love love.
It's a life-saving truth. Holy Spirit, burn this on the inside of me. Let me never forget how good God is.
Selah.
Showing posts with label good. Show all posts
Showing posts with label good. Show all posts
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
He hears!
I think sometimes I don't pray because I'm not sure what to say. Things get so jumbled up in my mind, my emotions are all over the place, and the words will not come out. I'm more comfortable curling up in a ball and trying to "sleep it off" than calling out to God. But it is SO profound to me how much God hears!
Genesis records the murder of Abel by his brother, Cain. In essence, Cain was jealous of Abel's relationship with God, and he let it fester into a murderous rage. He lured Abel into a field and killed him. Genesis 4:10 records God's response: "The Lord said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground."
That's intense.
There are many, many references to God's alertness to our condition. Exodus 3:7 says "God said, "I've taken a good, long look at the affliction of my people in Egypt. I've heard their cries for deliverance from their slave masters; I know all about their pain." Then He sent Moses to "let His people go..."
One of my personal favorites is in Romans 8:12: "God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know what or how to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans." (The Message)
My heart goes out to the Haitian people. They might not know what to pray or whom to pray to, but there is so much Biblical evidence to prove that God hears them. The blood of the innocent cries from the ground. And I know His heart. In a time where there are SO many questions about the character of God in the face of this tragedy, I know that His heart breaks. He sees their pain, hears their cries, and intervenes in many ways that aren't immediately evident to us.
And as for us, this subject is so close to my heart. Because, when I don't know how to pray - I've been in situations where all I could do is moan - I know that God's heart is postured toward me. I am significant to Him. You are significant to Him. You don't have to be a priest or Bible scholar to be heard by God. He sees you, and He promises that you'll never be alone.
Selah
Genesis records the murder of Abel by his brother, Cain. In essence, Cain was jealous of Abel's relationship with God, and he let it fester into a murderous rage. He lured Abel into a field and killed him. Genesis 4:10 records God's response: "The Lord said, "What have you done? Listen! Your brother's blood cries out to me from the ground."
That's intense.
There are many, many references to God's alertness to our condition. Exodus 3:7 says "God said, "I've taken a good, long look at the affliction of my people in Egypt. I've heard their cries for deliverance from their slave masters; I know all about their pain." Then He sent Moses to "let His people go..."
One of my personal favorites is in Romans 8:12: "God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know what or how to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans." (The Message)
My heart goes out to the Haitian people. They might not know what to pray or whom to pray to, but there is so much Biblical evidence to prove that God hears them. The blood of the innocent cries from the ground. And I know His heart. In a time where there are SO many questions about the character of God in the face of this tragedy, I know that His heart breaks. He sees their pain, hears their cries, and intervenes in many ways that aren't immediately evident to us.
And as for us, this subject is so close to my heart. Because, when I don't know how to pray - I've been in situations where all I could do is moan - I know that God's heart is postured toward me. I am significant to Him. You are significant to Him. You don't have to be a priest or Bible scholar to be heard by God. He sees you, and He promises that you'll never be alone.
Selah
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
to be or not to be...
In these precious few quiet moments at home, I find myself battling apathy and even the blues, scrambling for motivation in the simple things. Not feeling well yesterday has set me behind in a way only moms and housekeepers will understand. ;) Speaking of which, I'm looking for a free nanny/housekeeper. Just, you know, an extra couple of hands and some initiative. Apply today at emily.c.wagoner@gmail.com. No pay or benefits.
(That's so funny... I realize in posting this that I've been giving my wrong email address to everyone! hahaha)
Anyway, it's times like this when I'm faced with the decision.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God."
I've already made "THE" decision. I've already chosen a team. But I think we are faced every day with decisions that, taken to their logical conclusion, will either breed life or death. Sometimes they're obviously big decisions - like whom to marry and when, whether or not to invest money in this or that... decisions that will affect our future in tangible ways: where we will live, career, kids, finances, marriage, our own health and life.
But often times it's the little things we have to be conscious of. I think we are called to make moment-to-moment decisions that have a greater impact on our future than we realize.
Today in Bible Study @heartsomaha, Dr. Deb talked about Rebekah of Genesis 24.
Genesis 24 recounts the story of the hunt for the bride of Isaac, the promise of the future nation of Israel. It would be through Isaac and his wife that the promises God made to Abraham would be fulfilled. So, obviously, the selection process was fairly intense!
Rebekah was minding her own business one evening when she saw a man near a well with a bunch of camels. She gave a drink of water to the man, but then she offered to water the camels as well.
"After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking." Genesis 24:19
It doesn't seem like that big a decision, but that single choice landed her smack in the middle of God's Epic story and gained her a spot in the bloodline of Jesus the Messiah. (Read the whole story when you have a chance, it's awesome. BibleGateway)
My point is, choices matter. And most don't seem like a matter of life and death. But in the little things, even, I want to be in tune to the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that answers, "Is this life-giving? Or not so much?" And don't get me wrong. I don't choose to read my Bible over TV every time... that's not what I'm saying. Sometimes the most Holy thing we can do is take a nap. (Abbey) ;)
Just be aware, is all. Be choice-conscious.
How have you seen a "small" decision play out largely in your life?
(That's so funny... I realize in posting this that I've been giving my wrong email address to everyone! hahaha)
Anyway, it's times like this when I'm faced with the decision.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God."
I've already made "THE" decision. I've already chosen a team. But I think we are faced every day with decisions that, taken to their logical conclusion, will either breed life or death. Sometimes they're obviously big decisions - like whom to marry and when, whether or not to invest money in this or that... decisions that will affect our future in tangible ways: where we will live, career, kids, finances, marriage, our own health and life.
But often times it's the little things we have to be conscious of. I think we are called to make moment-to-moment decisions that have a greater impact on our future than we realize.
Today in Bible Study @heartsomaha, Dr. Deb talked about Rebekah of Genesis 24.
Genesis 24 recounts the story of the hunt for the bride of Isaac, the promise of the future nation of Israel. It would be through Isaac and his wife that the promises God made to Abraham would be fulfilled. So, obviously, the selection process was fairly intense!
Rebekah was minding her own business one evening when she saw a man near a well with a bunch of camels. She gave a drink of water to the man, but then she offered to water the camels as well.
"After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking." Genesis 24:19
It doesn't seem like that big a decision, but that single choice landed her smack in the middle of God's Epic story and gained her a spot in the bloodline of Jesus the Messiah. (Read the whole story when you have a chance, it's awesome. BibleGateway)
My point is, choices matter. And most don't seem like a matter of life and death. But in the little things, even, I want to be in tune to the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that answers, "Is this life-giving? Or not so much?" And don't get me wrong. I don't choose to read my Bible over TV every time... that's not what I'm saying. Sometimes the most Holy thing we can do is take a nap. (Abbey) ;)
Just be aware, is all. Be choice-conscious.
How have you seen a "small" decision play out largely in your life?
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Stinky Mango
Matthew 12:15 - 14:12
It's so funny that we read this portion today, because yesterday on Facebook, I commented on a friend's question.
But what I haphazardly quoted showed up in Matthew 12:33-35 "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers (speaking to the religious hypocrites), how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."
I know, in reading this in the past, the words "good" and "evil" really put me off. To me, it sounded condemning and judgmental; as if I had two options - to be "good", or to be "evil". Does that mean that if I blow up at my husband over something stupid, that there is "evil" in my heart? EVIL? Like the FRU-ITS of the DEVIL? EVIL? :)
So here's how The Message Bible puts it:
"If you grow a healthy tree, you'll pick healthy fruit. If you grow a diseased tree, you'll pick worm-eaten fruit. The fruit tells you about the tree."
I like the words "healthy" and "diseased" better. In talking to the dark, religious hypocrites who only had it in mind to trap Jesus, He was definitely talking to people who had chosen to war against God and His Christ. But I think this also applies to those of us who have chosen to live the life of a disciple, but still are "dis-eased" in our souls.
I had a transformed Spirit when I asked God to re-make me. But my soul was desperately ill. It was poisoned for years by abusive people in my life, and I ate the fruit of that poisoned root my entire life. There were toxins in me - unforgiveness, bitterness, self-hatred, suicidality, depression, shame, shame, shame. The fruits were an eating disorder, self-injury, insomnia, ruined relationships, suicide attempts, etc. I viewed the world through a filter of lies, the produce of my life wreaking.
I was going to heaven for sure, but my heart was sick, so the overflow was self-destructive.
Joyce Meyer has a book called "Beauty for Ashes" that talks a lot about the results of a poisoned "root system", following after the example of the "fruit of the tree". Neil T. Anderson also has a great book called "Victory Over the Darkness".
The latter describes very well the journey of healing I have been on. I've babbled on long enough, but let me say that God has been cutting off the unhealthy branches and ripping out the poisoned roots in my life, replacing them with healthy, life-giving nutrients.
I am definitely not perfect, but in learning what it means to release bitterness and anger, in letting Christ cover my shame, and in allowing the Word of God to pour into the desert inside of me, my health is being restored, and the fruits - the natural reactions, words, attitudes, and behaviors that flow out of me - are much, much more tasty.
So that's part of my testimony. LOL
I stand by my answer to Kacy. :)
It's so funny that we read this portion today, because yesterday on Facebook, I commented on a friend's question.
Kacy Aycock Do people act the way they do because of the events surrounding them or are their reactions the result of the kind of people they are?
I was just answering off the cuff, and I don't know that there is one "right" answer, because I don't know that it's a legitimate question. I mean, define "the kind of people" a person is.But what I haphazardly quoted showed up in Matthew 12:33-35 "Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers (speaking to the religious hypocrites), how can you who are evil say anything good? For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks. The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him."
I know, in reading this in the past, the words "good" and "evil" really put me off. To me, it sounded condemning and judgmental; as if I had two options - to be "good", or to be "evil". Does that mean that if I blow up at my husband over something stupid, that there is "evil" in my heart? EVIL? Like the FRU-ITS of the DEVIL? EVIL? :)
So here's how The Message Bible puts it:
"If you grow a healthy tree, you'll pick healthy fruit. If you grow a diseased tree, you'll pick worm-eaten fruit. The fruit tells you about the tree."
I like the words "healthy" and "diseased" better. In talking to the dark, religious hypocrites who only had it in mind to trap Jesus, He was definitely talking to people who had chosen to war against God and His Christ. But I think this also applies to those of us who have chosen to live the life of a disciple, but still are "dis-eased" in our souls.
I had a transformed Spirit when I asked God to re-make me. But my soul was desperately ill. It was poisoned for years by abusive people in my life, and I ate the fruit of that poisoned root my entire life. There were toxins in me - unforgiveness, bitterness, self-hatred, suicidality, depression, shame, shame, shame. The fruits were an eating disorder, self-injury, insomnia, ruined relationships, suicide attempts, etc. I viewed the world through a filter of lies, the produce of my life wreaking.
I was going to heaven for sure, but my heart was sick, so the overflow was self-destructive.
Joyce Meyer has a book called "Beauty for Ashes" that talks a lot about the results of a poisoned "root system", following after the example of the "fruit of the tree". Neil T. Anderson also has a great book called "Victory Over the Darkness".
The latter describes very well the journey of healing I have been on. I've babbled on long enough, but let me say that God has been cutting off the unhealthy branches and ripping out the poisoned roots in my life, replacing them with healthy, life-giving nutrients.
I am definitely not perfect, but in learning what it means to release bitterness and anger, in letting Christ cover my shame, and in allowing the Word of God to pour into the desert inside of me, my health is being restored, and the fruits - the natural reactions, words, attitudes, and behaviors that flow out of me - are much, much more tasty.
So that's part of my testimony. LOL
I stand by my answer to Kacy. :)
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