Wednesday, February 16, 2011
It's like I got spooked and bit down hard, clenching my jaw and wrapping my fingers around some perceived sense of control with a death grip.
I didn't even realize I was doing it until today, while I was driving and crying out to God, He spoke to my Spirit, "This would be so much easier if you would just trust me." Surrender.
Why is it so hard to remember that my Abba has His sovereign hand over my life, and that hand knows nothing but love and goodness? Why do I turn myself inside out trying to figure it all out? I force my mind to think three steps ahead, trying to predict what will happen next when there is no possible way to know. It's exhausting to live in a world where I feel I am responsible for every conceivable outcome. My heart aches, my soul dries up, and suddenly I'm facing despair and hopelessness.
Oh thank God for the gentle nudge that whispers "Remember Me?" The relief that washes over me as I give it all to Him once again is immeasurable. There is still pain and uncertainty, but there is also hope and faith and peace in knowing that my Abba has it all figured out.
One of my best friends once gave me a card that said,
"In the end, it will all be Ok. If it's not Ok, it's not the end."
In the end, it will all be Ok. That end is eternity and peace and a perspective that says this is not all there is. The pains of this world will fade away as we are brought into His Glory.
Lord, forgive my automatic tendency to bunker down in self protection while attempting to control everything. Forgive my lack of faith. My life is yours, Lord. I'm letting it go. Do with it what you will. I love you, Abba.
"It requires heroic courage to trust in the love of God no matter what happens to us." (Brennan Manning, Ruthless Trust)