Wednesday, February 3, 2010

tell me what to do

I want to share my heart a little bit. God's been dealing with me in a lot of areas, and I've been mulling over a lot of things inside... heartaches and dreams, passions and duties, frustration, hope, the future, the past...
I'm an introvert by nature. God designed me to be pretty introspective and satisfied to be alone. Conversely, He also created me to be input oriented. I learn when I teach. I'm a "sounding board" person. Expressing ideas aloud helps me sort them out in my mind. I'm also very interested in gathering a lot of information on from a variety of sources and integrating them into an opinion before I make a decision.

Kurt and I have had some decisions to make, lately. Some revolve around our seven-year old son, Isaac. He was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago, and has been desperately struggling with school and behavior at home.  Over the past year, we've watched him go from a happy kid excited about school, to one fearful, anxious, and ashamed a great deal of the time. Part of that, I know, is due to the instability in his life because of all that I had to deal with in my personal life. But part of it may be bio-chemical. Either way, he needs more help than Kurt or I can offer at this point.

Having described my temperament a little bit, my tendency has been to talk to a bunch of people, consult several "experts", take him to a couple of different doctors, read several books and articles, and then decide with Kurt our course of action.  It's really easy for me to leave God out of the equation completely.  Except that my heart is bursting for my son. It is devastating to see him hurt and struggle. And in order for me to be able to be strong for my boy, I have to lean hard into the One who will never fail us: Isaac's Creator, who knows Isaac better than I could ever dream to. So we've been praying and praying for God's will in this - calling out to Him for His wisdom, because He promises wisdom to anyone who asks for it.  Even though we're still getting conflicting opinions on the best way to proceed, I feel like we're on the right track, and we'll continue to go one step at a time.

Today's passage in Matthew really stood out to me:

Matthew 23:9 in the Message:
"Don't set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do.  Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do."

We are begging God for humility in this. For the patience to let Him lead. So, for me, instead of taking all of this information I'm gathering about ADHD treatment options and assimilating it in my mind, I'm gathering information and presenting it before God saying, "Please, Father, show me what to do."
Sometimes I have to step away entirely and just love on my little boy, as hard as that can be.
This is a real faith walk for me, I have to be honest. It's one thing when I am the one suffering, but it's a faith-shaker to watch my child suffer. I want God to fix it NOW. I want everything to be OK NOW. But I trust in our God. I trust His plan, His purposes, and His timing. And I trust that He will give the grace to each member of our family exactly as we need it, and that He will give wisdom to those we are trusting to help us through this.

Keep us in your prayers. God is good, all the time. Even when it hurts.


Aaron, Angie, Hailey, Lexi, and Jacob said...

Thanks for sharing, Em! We'll keep you and Kurt in our prayers as you listen and trust God to lead you in the right direction for Isaac. Love you!

Annie said...

God puts certain people in our lives for a reason. Don't forget that He has guided the people to write the information you are reading, and He has guided the people who may meet with you, Kurt, and Isaac about your options. You'll know whose been guided your way when you meet them. You know, how I knew He guided you to me! Same thing. :)

Bravehearts said...

Praying for clarity and wisdom on what will be best for Isaac and your entire family. I know this is a huge struggle, but your honesty about the struggle and in your struggle to trust God helps me remember where my trust needs to lie in my own struggles. I truly believe God will take care of your precious little boy.

Love you guys!!!

emily said...

Thanks all :) We have a meeting with a new potential therapist for Zac on Monday. There were some issues as to whether or not this may or may not be a viable option, but we feel like God's opening doors. Your support means so much. :) Thanks for giving me the chance to reach out!!