expect the unexpected

I know that I have at least two posts that refer to John the Baptist, but there is yet another lesson the Holy Spirit is teaching me through his story.
Yesterday, we started with the book of Mark in the New Testament. It opens with an awesome statement about the foundation of the Christian faith. (As a writer, I can think of no more powerful way to begin a story...)
Mark 1:1 "The beginning of the gospel about Jesus Christ, the son of God." BOOM.
Then the second character to grace the stage is John the Baptizer.
Mark 1:4 "And so John came, baptizing in the desert region and preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins."

In early January, I blogged about the significance of the relationship between John the Baptist and Jesus. (linkback)  John and Jesus were cousins, contemporaries, and both in "ministry". The respected one another deeply, each understanding his own role in the kingdom story. John recognized Jesus as the One, the Messiah, when he was still in his mother's womb.  Luke 1:41  He was privy to the voice from heaven that spoke to Jesus in Mark 1:11, saying "You are my Son, whom I love, with you I am well pleased."

All four gospels speak in varying detail about the calling of John as a prophet to prepare the way of the Lord.  John the Baptist knew his role, and he knew the Christ. But I absolutely cannot shake this particular passage out of my mind. It is so profound an example.

John had been arrested and put into prison. Mark 6:17-20 says "Herod himself had given orders to have John arrested, and he had him bound an put in prison. He did the because of Herodias, his brother Philip's wife, whom he had married.  For John had been saying to Herod, 'It is not lawful for you to have your brother's wife.'"

Jumping over to Matthew 11, we see this interesting exchange.
Matthew 11:2 says, "When John heard in prison what Christ was doing [in all of His miracles], he sent his disciples to ask him, 'Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?'"
(insert mine)

These words are highlighted in magenta for me. Why was John the Baptist sending his disciples to ask Jesus if He was the One? He knew! Of course he knew... it's all over the gospels.

Jesus did not meet John's expectations.  He wanted the Savior to come into the world and kick some Roman tail! He wanted to see God's perfect Kingdom come to earth and end the suffering of the people. He wanted to see Jesus the Christ elevated to King of Israel. In the least his cousin, the Son of God, could get him out of his death sentence.
I can imagine John sitting in a prison dungeon, knowing he is going to die, thinking, "Really, Jesus? You are the Savior of the world. Come save me. I don't deserve to die in here."
I would be thinking the same thing. What an incredibly discouraging time it must have been for our great John.

But Jesus doesn't leap in and spring him for his prison. He doesn't drop everything He's doing in his ministry to try to somehow bail out His friend and cousin.  Jesus must stay true to the calling of His Father. He had to continue to "go about doing good".  See, there was a much larger picture at play. Who knows how things might have played out if Jesus had cancelled His speaking engagements to detour over to Herod's palace?
So Jesus says these words, "Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.  Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me." (Matthew 11:4-6)
In short, Jesus is saying, "I'm doing what I am supposed to be doing. Hold on tight to your faith. It's not invested in vain. Trust God."  I can almost hear the pain that must have shrouded Jesus' voice. He loved John the Baptist.

Sometimes Jesus Christ doesn't come through for me in the way that I'd expect Him to. Sometimes, I'm in so much pain that I ask "Jesus, are you for real?"
Life is crazy. There are amazing victories and crushing defeats. So it goes on planet Earth. But I hear Jesus saying, "Hold on tight to your faith. Trust God." Even when things do not play out the way I expected them to.

handy man

It’s hard to have a “savior” unless we recognize our need to be saved. It’s hard to be grateful for a rescuer if we don’t feel the need to be rescued.  I don’t know if it was my pride or my stupidity that made me blind to my true condition. Maybe it was utter hopelessness or having been let down so many times in life... I had no real faith that God or anyone would ever come to my side and help me. But somewhere along the line I stopped looking for a redeemer. I stopped praying for a savior and tried to save myself. And when that failed, I tried to end myself. 

Life is not all bad, all the time. I know many, many people that are perfectly happy - seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are dead or dying spiritually.  Maybe, like me, they have a sense somewhere deep inside that there “has to be more to life”.  Maybe, like me, they’ve given up hope and decided to be content with the emptiness. Or maybe, like me, they’ve come to despise the emptiness, and after a string of vain attempt to fill the hole, they come to despise their very existence. 

Whatever level of awareness, whatever level of “drama”, I think we have to come to a place in life sooner or later where we realize that we are absolutely without hope in this life without God.  

I had a relationship with Jesus from the time I was a little girl. I went to church, read my Bible, and said my bedtime prayers. And because I had accepted Christ, I had a free ticket to heaven. But it wasn’t until I found myself face down, pinned to the floor with absolutely NO way out that I met my true Savior. Coming into the truth of my real condition brought me into an awe, appreciation, and love of my God that I had never before experienced. 

People ask me sometimes how I got to a point of intimacy with God. It’s definitely not because I’m "awesome" and I’ve done this or that to “get close”.  It’s simply that I was reduced to a place where I stared into the blackness of life without Him, and I chose to beg God to meet me. I stayed still and listened, I learned to trust (HUGE), and I LET Him rescue me. He longs for us. He hurts for us. He did all of the work. I just cried out, and He heard me.

David the psalmist king, was amazing at crying out, and I believe it’s one of the reasons he was considered “beloved of God”. 

Psalm 31 is a token passage for me.

“In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; 

let me never be put to shame; 

deliver me in your righteousness. 

Turn your ear to me,

come quickly to my rescue;

be my rock of refuge,

a strong fortress to save me.

Since you are my rock and my fortress,

for the sake of your name lead and

guide me.

Free me from the trap that is set fore me,

for you are my refuge.

Into your hands I commit my spirit;

redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.

It’s interesting to me that Christ used these exact words on the cross. An act of complete, obedient surrender... “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit...” (Luke 23:46)

God, let me be so completely yours that I can confidently release control and say the words of your beloved... “Father, I place my life in your hands!”

tell me what to do

I want to share my heart a little bit. God's been dealing with me in a lot of areas, and I've been mulling over a lot of things inside... heartaches and dreams, passions and duties, frustration, hope, the future, the past...
I'm an introvert by nature. God designed me to be pretty introspective and satisfied to be alone. Conversely, He also created me to be input oriented. I learn when I teach. I'm a "sounding board" person. Expressing ideas aloud helps me sort them out in my mind. I'm also very interested in gathering a lot of information on from a variety of sources and integrating them into an opinion before I make a decision.

Kurt and I have had some decisions to make, lately. Some revolve around our seven-year old son, Isaac. He was diagnosed with ADHD a year ago, and has been desperately struggling with school and behavior at home.  Over the past year, we've watched him go from a happy kid excited about school, to one fearful, anxious, and ashamed a great deal of the time. Part of that, I know, is due to the instability in his life because of all that I had to deal with in my personal life. But part of it may be bio-chemical. Either way, he needs more help than Kurt or I can offer at this point.

Having described my temperament a little bit, my tendency has been to talk to a bunch of people, consult several "experts", take him to a couple of different doctors, read several books and articles, and then decide with Kurt our course of action.  It's really easy for me to leave God out of the equation completely.  Except that my heart is bursting for my son. It is devastating to see him hurt and struggle. And in order for me to be able to be strong for my boy, I have to lean hard into the One who will never fail us: Isaac's Creator, who knows Isaac better than I could ever dream to. So we've been praying and praying for God's will in this - calling out to Him for His wisdom, because He promises wisdom to anyone who asks for it.  Even though we're still getting conflicting opinions on the best way to proceed, I feel like we're on the right track, and we'll continue to go one step at a time.

Today's passage in Matthew really stood out to me:

Matthew 23:9 in the Message:
"Don't set people up as experts over your life, letting them tell you what to do.  Save that authority for God; let him tell you what to do."

We are begging God for humility in this. For the patience to let Him lead. So, for me, instead of taking all of this information I'm gathering about ADHD treatment options and assimilating it in my mind, I'm gathering information and presenting it before God saying, "Please, Father, show me what to do."
Sometimes I have to step away entirely and just love on my little boy, as hard as that can be.
This is a real faith walk for me, I have to be honest. It's one thing when I am the one suffering, but it's a faith-shaker to watch my child suffer. I want God to fix it NOW. I want everything to be OK NOW. But I trust in our God. I trust His plan, His purposes, and His timing. And I trust that He will give the grace to each member of our family exactly as we need it, and that He will give wisdom to those we are trusting to help us through this.

Keep us in your prayers. God is good, all the time. Even when it hurts.

Intentions and Affections

I liked the passages for today. (See the reading list for Jan 25 below) I've read them before, but each time, God brings new insight and new understanding.

The story of Joseph is amazing. It's been popularized and plagiarized to the point I think it has lost its power to some of us.  But I really relate to this guy. And I want my life to shine with the example his did.

Starting in Genesis 37, Moses recounts the coming-of-age story of Joseph. Long story short, this boy could not catch a break! He was gifted and despised for it. He was betrayed and left for dead by his own family. He was sold as an object, taken to a place where he knew no one and no one knew him, thrown in jail for trying to do the right thing, abandoned by someone who promised to help him, ignored, displaced, and then asked to help the very brothers that had so badly mistreated him.

There are plenty of counts that prove Joseph's humanity. He wasn't some noble, arrogant, shoo-in for the throne of some foreign country. He was deeply emotional, deeply intuitive, and deeply in love with his God.  The part of the story we read today is one of my favorite promises in the Bible.

Joseph is placed in a position of incredible power. He had the ability, motivation, and clout to have his entire family executed. And frankly, his brothers were afraid of him.

They come to him, begging his forgiveness.

I stop here and think, because of the pain in my own heart toward certain people. And I have forgiven them as an act of obedience to God, but the wounds in my soul are harder to heal. Honestly, I think that's ok! I think it's normal. I have to constantly pray for God's heart toward someone... to see them through His eyes. And I know the emotions will follow. Forgiveness does not mean it's "alright". It does not mean forgetting.  Forgiveness means that I have forfeited the right to revenge (and eye for an eye), and given the power of justice back to my heavenly Father, trusting that He will make everything "alright" in the end. And that's exactly what Joseph did here.

Genesis 50:18-20 "His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. "We are your slaves," they said.  But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid.  Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."

After all he'd been through, Joseph recognized the sovereignty of God over his life. The story of God does not begin and end with me. It just doesn't. The story of God is an epic that plays out over eternity, and my role is what it is, even if it means that God has to take something heinous and turn it out for the good of "saving many lives".

The word "sovereignty" is big for me. When I don't understand, and I want to ask God "why?!", I know that He knows the answers, and He is in control. And that only works if I understand His heart and His intentions toward me.  The story of Joseph is an awesome example of life just smacking... and God's intentions in the midst.

What do you think God's intentions are? Do you really believe that He is good? Really?

Do my own words hold more meaning because you know that I have greatly suffered?