Tuesday, February 9, 2010

handy man

It’s hard to have a “savior” unless we recognize our need to be saved. It’s hard to be grateful for a rescuer if we don’t feel the need to be rescued.  I don’t know if it was my pride or my stupidity that made me blind to my true condition. Maybe it was utter hopelessness or having been let down so many times in life... I had no real faith that God or anyone would ever come to my side and help me. But somewhere along the line I stopped looking for a redeemer. I stopped praying for a savior and tried to save myself. And when that failed, I tried to end myself. 
Life is not all bad, all the time. I know many, many people that are perfectly happy - seemingly oblivious to the fact that they are dead or dying spiritually.  Maybe, like me, they have a sense somewhere deep inside that there “has to be more to life”.  Maybe, like me, they’ve given up hope and decided to be content with the emptiness. Or maybe, like me, they’ve come to despise the emptiness, and after a string of vain attempt to fill the hole, they come to despise their very existence. 
Whatever level of awareness, whatever level of “drama”, I think we have to come to a place in life sooner or later where we realize that we are absolutely without hope in this life without God.  
I had a relationship with Jesus from the time I was a little girl. I went to church, read my Bible, and said my bedtime prayers. And because I had accepted Christ, I had a free ticket to heaven. But it wasn’t until I found myself face down, pinned to the floor with absolutely NO way out that I met my true Savior. Coming into the truth of my real condition brought me into an awe, appreciation, and love of my God that I had never before experienced. 
People ask me sometimes how I got to a point of intimacy with God. It’s definitely not because I’m "awesome" and I’ve done this or that to “get close”.  It’s simply that I was reduced to a place where I stared into the blackness of life without Him, and I chose to beg God to meet me. I stayed still and listened, I learned to trust (HUGE), and I LET Him rescue me. He longs for us. He hurts for us. He did all of the work. I just cried out, and He heard me.
David the psalmist king, was amazing at crying out, and I believe it’s one of the reasons he was considered “beloved of God”. 
Psalm 31 is a token passage for me.
“In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; 
let me never be put to shame; 
deliver me in your righteousness. 
Turn your ear to me,
come quickly to my rescue;
be my rock of refuge,
a strong fortress to save me.
Since you are my rock and my fortress,
for the sake of your name lead and
guide me.
Free me from the trap that is set fore me,
for you are my refuge.
Into your hands I commit my spirit;
redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth.
It’s interesting to me that Christ used these exact words on the cross. An act of complete, obedient surrender... “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit...” (Luke 23:46)
God, let me be so completely yours that I can confidently release control and say the words of your beloved... “Father, I place my life in your hands!”

1 comment:

mkruger said...

Good stuff Emily. You are a blessing.