I wish you could come sit down next to me and experience the absolute peace flooding into my bedroom right now. It's a crisp, cool late morning, the sun is shining but not abrasive, and the birds are singing sweetly. Louie Giglio is talking to me from Kurt's computer, and I'm overwhelmed by the tangible presence of God right here and now. I know that He's always here... He promised that He would be (Joshua 1:5), but sometimes I can't FEEL Him.
I'm learning that the walk of a disciple of Christ is not all about "feeling". Yet, emotions were given us by God when we were created in His image. People talk to me all the time about "hearing from God", "hearing the voice of God", feeling "led" to do this or that. And I've experienced that. I have. A sense in my Spirit or an idea that I know did NOT come from me, because it's either so far OUT there or so brilliant that I wouldn't take credit for it if someone asked. Sometimes, though, the things in life - chaos, circumstances, desires, doubt, fear, surprises, pain, business, exhaustion - can push me under water where the voice of God is muffled and distorted.
You know what things sound like under water? In my Red-Cross swimming lessons, I once had to do the "dead man's float" for 5 full minutes. (I could breathe when I had to, but had to go right back to floating) In the water, everything is quiet save a distant seeming splash or a garbled series of tones. It's isolating - which, for me, was part of the appeal of swimming as a kid. But before long, the strain of staying afloat, the lack of plentiful oxygen, and the blocking out of sensory input is wearing.
See, we were not created to live in the water. If we had to, we could survive. We've invented things like oxygen masks, flotation devices, and wet suits to help with life in the water. There are even these cool "coms" inside of scuba rigs that let divers talk to each other.
But ultimately, man was created for dry land.
It's not a perfect analogy (what is?), but I think sometimes we're diving and we don't realize it. Or we're floating, or we're sinking. I've been all three. And there's nothing wrong with it. I don't think we're going to be relaxing on the beach until we leave Earth as it is now.
But when I'm submerged in water, I can't hear God clearly. And sometimes, when I'm drowning, all I can do is push my hand up out of the water and wave it back and forth praying for God to grab ahold of it.
And you know what? He does. Every time.
Sometimes He just holds my hand and keeps me from drowning, but he doesn't pull me up too far. It can feel like an eternity of nothing but the vague sensation of a hand holding mine. There are so many other sensations happening that paying full attention to my one hand is impossible.
And then there are times when God tugs a little bit and I realize that He's there. I quit struggling and still my soul and let Him lead. And on days like today, I get the sense that He's pulled my head above the water.
I drink in the fresh, oxygen-rich air and look my Savior in the face, and I can hear His voice without the interference of the oceanic tide.
Ooh. I didn't plan on this analogy, but it's working! lol
Christ is a steady place to cling to. And He gives us the power to not only survive in the water, but thrive. Life is unpredictable, and we won't always have the sensation of resting against the buoy and drinking in the sunlight and the face of God. But I do believe that He intends for us to seek Him and carve out spaces in our lives where we can stop struggling against the tide and let Him pull us up.
So that's my journey as a disciple. He's so present. And today, I get to FEEL Him and His love.
Psalm 61:1-5 (The Message)
"God, listen to me shout,
bend an ear to my prayer.
When I'm far from anywhere,
down to my last gasp,
I call out, "Guide me
up High Rock Mountain!"
You've always given me breathing room,
a place to get away from it all,
A lifetime pass to your safe-house,
an open invitation as your guest.
You've always taken me seriously, God,
made me welcome among those who know
and love you."
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts. Show all posts
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
runaway dog
You know, I read the passages for today and nothing really jumped out at me, and I thought, "Wow, am I just not hearing from God? I'm not feeling anything..." Then God spoke. LOL
"So, it's about feelings, is it?"
Which is the same thing He said to me yesterday.
I am so emotional! I probably feel 30 different things in as many seconds. I know that my husband couldn't conceive of processing that level of brain activity, but I - being a woman - can't conceive of anything less.
I was completely subject to my feelings until this past year, when I learned that I get to decide with my will how my life will play out. My emotions are indicators, but they are not the boss of me. (insert 2nd grade playground noises)
I was challenged by my mentor to "give my emotions over to God". It was a terrifying proposition. My growing-up taught me that emotions weren't to be expressed or shared, but rather stuffed neatly away in the deep recesses of my mind. Then, when the dam did finally break, they poured out of me with a ferocity that lead me straight into lock-up.
Where is that fine line? I thought I only knew "on" or "off". (when in reality, they were always on... it was just whether I chose to acknowledge and appropriately express them)
I was struggling greatly with this concept of letting God lead me in the emotional realm.
Genesis 1:26 says "God spoke, 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature..."
The Bible is full of places that talk of a God of love, moved by compassion, stirred into a jealous anger, grieved by our disobedience. Jesus, being human, experienced every human emotion we do. (and more)
Hebrews 4:15 says "We don't have a priest (meaning Jesus) who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all - all but the sin."
God made me human, in HIS image, and gave me these weirdo control freak emotions, and somehow He wants to be a part of ALL of me.
I love the Message translation of Matthew 22:37-40 "Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence'"
How? I won't go into it, but 2 Thessalonians 2:13 talks about the "sanctifying work of the Spirit", meaning basically that God, by the Holy Spirit, wants to make every part of the believer into the nature of Jesus Christ. He wants to take my emotions and make them like Jesus' - He wants me to experience and express my emotions, all the while glorifying God.
Ya right.
In my mind, I saw myself walking this huge, out of control black lab. The thing was dragging me down the sidewalk and I was pulling back on the leash with all of my might, just trying to stay on my feet. Somewhere, someone said, "Let go! Just let go!" So, I did! And the dog darted away from me, jumping and barking and biting and tearing apart the neighbors' gardens.
Then, I saw myself walking the same, out of control black lab. This time, my heavenly Father was walking next to me. I was still pulling back on the leash with my arm nearly ripping out of socket. My Father said to me, "Let go. Just let go." And He placed his hands over mine and took the leash. I let go. Immediately, with an authority only a Father carries, he said, "Heel!" And the dog calmed, stop tugging at the leash, and came to His side.
In both instances I had "let go". But in giving God the leash, the dog did not destroy anything. On the contrary, it actually calmed in the Father's hands.
Every day I have to choose to let God be Lord of my emotions. I have to say, "God! I'm feeling so angry right now I don't know what to do! Please help me. I can't carry this by myself." Sometimes He answers with insight, sometimes with peace, and sometimes with an intervention by someone He sends my way.
He already knows my heart. There is nothing secret to Him. If I'm cussing in my mind, I might as well cuss in my prayer. It's not going to shock Him. And as I allow Him to carry the excess and "sanctify" my emotions, I become less frantic and extreme and learn to walk in the safety of His peace.
This is a daily lesson for me.
How is it going for you?
"So, it's about feelings, is it?"
Which is the same thing He said to me yesterday.
I am so emotional! I probably feel 30 different things in as many seconds. I know that my husband couldn't conceive of processing that level of brain activity, but I - being a woman - can't conceive of anything less.
I was completely subject to my feelings until this past year, when I learned that I get to decide with my will how my life will play out. My emotions are indicators, but they are not the boss of me. (insert 2nd grade playground noises)
I was challenged by my mentor to "give my emotions over to God". It was a terrifying proposition. My growing-up taught me that emotions weren't to be expressed or shared, but rather stuffed neatly away in the deep recesses of my mind. Then, when the dam did finally break, they poured out of me with a ferocity that lead me straight into lock-up.
Where is that fine line? I thought I only knew "on" or "off". (when in reality, they were always on... it was just whether I chose to acknowledge and appropriately express them)
I was struggling greatly with this concept of letting God lead me in the emotional realm.
Genesis 1:26 says "God spoke, 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature..."
The Bible is full of places that talk of a God of love, moved by compassion, stirred into a jealous anger, grieved by our disobedience. Jesus, being human, experienced every human emotion we do. (and more)
Hebrews 4:15 says "We don't have a priest (meaning Jesus) who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all - all but the sin."
God made me human, in HIS image, and gave me these weirdo control freak emotions, and somehow He wants to be a part of ALL of me.
I love the Message translation of Matthew 22:37-40 "Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence'"
How? I won't go into it, but 2 Thessalonians 2:13 talks about the "sanctifying work of the Spirit", meaning basically that God, by the Holy Spirit, wants to make every part of the believer into the nature of Jesus Christ. He wants to take my emotions and make them like Jesus' - He wants me to experience and express my emotions, all the while glorifying God.
Ya right.
In my mind, I saw myself walking this huge, out of control black lab. The thing was dragging me down the sidewalk and I was pulling back on the leash with all of my might, just trying to stay on my feet. Somewhere, someone said, "Let go! Just let go!" So, I did! And the dog darted away from me, jumping and barking and biting and tearing apart the neighbors' gardens.
Then, I saw myself walking the same, out of control black lab. This time, my heavenly Father was walking next to me. I was still pulling back on the leash with my arm nearly ripping out of socket. My Father said to me, "Let go. Just let go." And He placed his hands over mine and took the leash. I let go. Immediately, with an authority only a Father carries, he said, "Heel!" And the dog calmed, stop tugging at the leash, and came to His side.
In both instances I had "let go". But in giving God the leash, the dog did not destroy anything. On the contrary, it actually calmed in the Father's hands.
Every day I have to choose to let God be Lord of my emotions. I have to say, "God! I'm feeling so angry right now I don't know what to do! Please help me. I can't carry this by myself." Sometimes He answers with insight, sometimes with peace, and sometimes with an intervention by someone He sends my way.
He already knows my heart. There is nothing secret to Him. If I'm cussing in my mind, I might as well cuss in my prayer. It's not going to shock Him. And as I allow Him to carry the excess and "sanctify" my emotions, I become less frantic and extreme and learn to walk in the safety of His peace.
This is a daily lesson for me.
How is it going for you?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Intentions and Affections
I liked the passages for today. (See the reading list for Jan 25 below) I've read them before, but each time, God brings new insight and new understanding.
The story of Joseph is amazing. It's been popularized and plagiarized to the point I think it has lost its power to some of us. But I really relate to this guy. And I want my life to shine with the example his did.
Starting in Genesis 37, Moses recounts the coming-of-age story of Joseph. Long story short, this boy could not catch a break! He was gifted and despised for it. He was betrayed and left for dead by his own family. He was sold as an object, taken to a place where he knew no one and no one knew him, thrown in jail for trying to do the right thing, abandoned by someone who promised to help him, ignored, displaced, and then asked to help the very brothers that had so badly mistreated him.
There are plenty of counts that prove Joseph's humanity. He wasn't some noble, arrogant, shoo-in for the throne of some foreign country. He was deeply emotional, deeply intuitive, and deeply in love with his God. The part of the story we read today is one of my favorite promises in the Bible.
Joseph is placed in a position of incredible power. He had the ability, motivation, and clout to have his entire family executed. And frankly, his brothers were afraid of him.
They come to him, begging his forgiveness.
I stop here and think, because of the pain in my own heart toward certain people. And I have forgiven them as an act of obedience to God, but the wounds in my soul are harder to heal. Honestly, I think that's ok! I think it's normal. I have to constantly pray for God's heart toward someone... to see them through His eyes. And I know the emotions will follow. Forgiveness does not mean it's "alright". It does not mean forgetting. Forgiveness means that I have forfeited the right to revenge (and eye for an eye), and given the power of justice back to my heavenly Father, trusting that He will make everything "alright" in the end. And that's exactly what Joseph did here.
Genesis 50:18-20 "His brothers then came and threw themselves down before him. "We are your slaves," they said. But Joseph said to them, "Don't be afraid. Am I in the place of God? You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
After all he'd been through, Joseph recognized the sovereignty of God over his life. The story of God does not begin and end with me. It just doesn't. The story of God is an epic that plays out over eternity, and my role is what it is, even if it means that God has to take something heinous and turn it out for the good of "saving many lives".
The word "sovereignty" is big for me. When I don't understand, and I want to ask God "why?!", I know that He knows the answers, and He is in control. And that only works if I understand His heart and His intentions toward me. The story of Joseph is an awesome example of life just smacking... and God's intentions in the midst.
What do you think God's intentions are? Do you really believe that He is good? Really?
Do my own words hold more meaning because you know that I have greatly suffered?
Saturday, January 23, 2010
grace is enough
My counselor at Mercy was big on the phrase, "Be sick like an adult". Identify what my needs are, express them and get them met, and then stop whining. Yeah. I'm only partly winning. After eight days of random symptoms, low grade fevers, and extreme fatigue, I decided to finally go to the doctor this morning. Everything looks great except that my lymph nodes are swollen. She said I'm definitely fighting off something, but she suspects it's viral and that I should feel much better in the next 2-3 days.
They ran a CBC and a Blood Chem just to make sure every thing's copacetic.
As much as I've given my best effort to continue with life as normal even though I'm so tired and achy that all I desire is my bed, It's super frustrating to be "under the weather". But I'm learning more and more to watch the thoughts that assault my lil tired mind.
Our Psalm for today in Psalm 19:14 says "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer".
That's all well and good, but how? 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
The Message Bible writes "We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ." (emphasis mine)
I gotta admit. The last thing I've wanted to do over the past couple of days is study the Bible. My flesh is screaming, "OUCH! SLEEP!" And I definitely don't want to over-spiritualize things. I'm an etherial being living in a concrete world. (that sounded like a Madonna song) It makes no sense to forfeit our present, natural reality completely... hence, my visit to the doctor this morning! But I also know that there is more to this life than what we can see.
So, while my body does its work to fight off this virus of sorts, it is my responsibility to keep my mind fixed on things above. To do my part in the Spiritual sense so that I stay on top of the real battle. That battle is in my mind.
Speaking the Word aloud - quoting scriptures - just hearing them come out of my own mouth builds my faith. Praying in honesty and reading the Bible, even when it seems to make little to no sense. It's going in, and the Holy Spirit is doing a work whether I see immediate results or not.
I'm sharing this because I needed the kick in the butt I got from God this morning. No time is wasted unless I allow it. And just because I feel icky doesn't mean that I have the right to remain idle in my quest for Him.
I sound really holy, huh? :) heh. Yeah, I'm going to finish this blog, finish my Bible reading, pray and take a nap. Shield of faith up, sword of the spirit armed and ready. God, you gotta do the rest.
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
-2 Corinthians 12:9
They ran a CBC and a Blood Chem just to make sure every thing's copacetic.
As much as I've given my best effort to continue with life as normal even though I'm so tired and achy that all I desire is my bed, It's super frustrating to be "under the weather". But I'm learning more and more to watch the thoughts that assault my lil tired mind.
Our Psalm for today in Psalm 19:14 says "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer".
That's all well and good, but how? 2 Corinthians 10:4-5 "The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
The Message Bible writes "We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ." (emphasis mine)
I gotta admit. The last thing I've wanted to do over the past couple of days is study the Bible. My flesh is screaming, "OUCH! SLEEP!" And I definitely don't want to over-spiritualize things. I'm an etherial being living in a concrete world. (that sounded like a Madonna song) It makes no sense to forfeit our present, natural reality completely... hence, my visit to the doctor this morning! But I also know that there is more to this life than what we can see.
So, while my body does its work to fight off this virus of sorts, it is my responsibility to keep my mind fixed on things above. To do my part in the Spiritual sense so that I stay on top of the real battle. That battle is in my mind.
Speaking the Word aloud - quoting scriptures - just hearing them come out of my own mouth builds my faith. Praying in honesty and reading the Bible, even when it seems to make little to no sense. It's going in, and the Holy Spirit is doing a work whether I see immediate results or not.
I'm sharing this because I needed the kick in the butt I got from God this morning. No time is wasted unless I allow it. And just because I feel icky doesn't mean that I have the right to remain idle in my quest for Him.
I sound really holy, huh? :) heh. Yeah, I'm going to finish this blog, finish my Bible reading, pray and take a nap. Shield of faith up, sword of the spirit armed and ready. God, you gotta do the rest.
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
-2 Corinthians 12:9
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