Wednesday, January 27, 2010

runaway dog

You know, I read the passages for today and nothing really jumped out at me, and I thought, "Wow, am I just not hearing from God? I'm not feeling anything..." Then God spoke. LOL
"So, it's about feelings, is it?"
Which is the same thing He said to me yesterday.

I am so emotional! I probably feel 30 different things in as many seconds. I know that my husband couldn't conceive of processing that level of brain activity, but I - being a woman - can't conceive of anything less.
I was completely subject to my feelings until this past year, when I learned that I get to decide with my will how my life will play out. My emotions are indicators, but they are not the boss of me. (insert 2nd grade playground noises)

I was challenged by my mentor to "give my emotions over to God". It was a terrifying proposition. My growing-up taught me that emotions weren't to be expressed or shared, but rather stuffed neatly away in the deep recesses of my mind. Then, when the dam did finally break, they poured out of me with a ferocity that lead me straight into lock-up.
Where is that fine line? I thought I only knew "on" or "off".  (when in reality, they were always on... it was just whether I chose to acknowledge and appropriately express them)
I was struggling greatly with this concept of letting God lead me in the emotional realm.

Genesis 1:26 says "God spoke, 'Let us make human beings in our image, make them reflecting our nature..."
The Bible is full of places that talk of a God of love, moved by compassion, stirred into a jealous anger, grieved by our disobedience. Jesus, being human, experienced every human emotion we do. (and more)
Hebrews 4:15 says "We don't have a priest (meaning Jesus) who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all - all but the sin."

God made me human, in HIS image, and gave me these weirdo control freak emotions, and somehow He wants to be a part of ALL of me.
I love the Message translation of Matthew 22:37-40 "Jesus said, 'Love the Lord your God with all your passion and prayer and intelligence'"

How? I won't go into it, but 2 Thessalonians 2:13 talks about the "sanctifying work of the Spirit", meaning basically that God, by the Holy Spirit, wants to make every part of the believer into the nature of Jesus Christ. He wants to take my emotions and make them like Jesus' - He wants me to experience and express my emotions, all the while glorifying God.
Ya right.

In my mind, I saw myself walking this huge, out of control black lab. The thing was dragging me down the sidewalk and I was pulling back on the leash with all of my might, just trying to stay on my feet. Somewhere, someone said, "Let go! Just let go!" So, I did! And the dog darted away from me, jumping and barking and biting and tearing apart the neighbors' gardens.
Then, I saw myself walking the same, out of control black lab.  This time, my heavenly Father was walking next to me. I was still pulling back on the leash with my arm nearly ripping out of socket. My Father said to me, "Let go. Just let go." And He placed his hands over mine and took the leash. I let go. Immediately, with an authority only a Father carries, he said, "Heel!" And the dog calmed, stop tugging at the leash, and came to His side.
In both instances I had "let go". But in giving God the leash, the dog did not destroy anything. On the contrary, it actually calmed in the Father's hands.

Every day I have to choose to let God be Lord of my emotions. I have to say, "God! I'm feeling so angry right now I don't know what to do! Please help me. I can't carry this by myself."  Sometimes He answers with insight, sometimes with peace, and sometimes with an intervention by someone He sends my way.
He already knows my heart. There is nothing secret to Him. If I'm cussing in my mind, I might as well cuss in my prayer. It's not going to shock Him.  And as I allow Him to carry the excess and "sanctify" my emotions, I become less frantic and extreme and learn to walk in the safety of His peace.
This is a daily lesson for me.

How is it going for you?

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