I've hesitated to write because I'm so much in the middle of it. But God's been so faithful in the midst, that I had to share this one thing.
One way that Satan pokes at me is to convince me that I will slip, spin, and spiral back into that black void of hopelessness and despair that almost swallowed my very heartbeat. So in times when emotions run high and tears run free, I become frantic - clawing like a kitty on the drapes so as not to fall back into old habits, old thought patterns, and old defeat. Most of the time, when I push the kids down into the living room so that I can cry in peace, I whimper out to God, "I'm not strong enough..." And instead of mocking my frailty, He answers, "I know".
At my Tuesday morning Bible study, Hearts Omaha, we talked about the discipline of meditation. How powerful it is to meditate upon the Word of God and the promises He makes to those who will dwell on His words. Ann Voskamp, author of the amazing blog, A Holy Experience, said, "All the heart knows is what it know by heart". She writes "
This is the meditation of my heart through the tantrums and trials. Through the times when I simply cannot will myself to stand up and put one more bead on a string, or even drive through a fast food restaurant to feed my family, I roll over and over in my heart,
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."
(2 Corinthians 12:9, NIV)