Things have been pretty crazy on all fronts. The summer is going really well so far, all things considered. The kids are happy and pretty entertained, I've had the opportunity to spend some time with good friends, the kids went to VBS, I passed my first two classes with high scores, and we have a family reunion coming up. Many of my fears have abated, though, I must admit to a little nervous tummy at night in anticipation of the next day's unpredictability.
Somehow, though I couldn't say how exactly, things are always moving! Maybe it's the constant hum of three little ones in the house, or the non-stop morning till night always feeling like there's something to be done. Now that I've finished (on Friday) my first two classes, my stress over school should lighten significantly. But I've noticed a decided decline in my time for quiet with God.
Normally, that is the type of thing I would beat myself up over, like the crumbs in the couch and the dirty laundry piled up in the hallway by the washer. I treasure my time with God - time to read my Bible, time to think, time to pray, time to worship. It honors Him when we give Him the "first fruits" of our days. I feel safe though (and other busy moms in significant ministry positions will back me up on this) in stealing moments of prayer, singing in the car, and snagging a verse or two and holding on to it all week. There are seasons of great intimate time spent with the Lord, and I adore those seasons. And there are seasons where that is less realistic. My heart posture, however, is toward Heaven (most of the time...), and I know that honors God as well.
In the latter seasons, I crave to experience more intimacy with God. To be able to hear His voice as clearly as I did while walking alone outside in St. Louis. To have an opportunity to worship in a corporate setting every single day, and in that expression, to be blessed as I pour my heart out to Him. Time spent doesn't necessarily equal greater intimacy, however for one like me, relatively new at walking hand in hand with God every day, it sure is helpful. Consequently, in this season of "lack of quiet" (I don't want to say "busy", because it sounds like I'm working to accomplish something, and that's not always the case), I sometimes have this question...
"God, are You still there?"
Does He know I love Him? That I want so badly to do right by Him? That I struggle to receive His Grace and Love in a season where I can't work to earn it? Is He mad at me?
Oh, our enemy can have a hay-day messing with our minds if we start to feel the least bit insecure about our relationship with God.
The truth is,
He promised never to leave me or forsake me. (Hebrews 13:5)
He promised that nothing can separate me from His love. (Romans 8:38-39)
He promised that I am in right-standing with Him, by virtue of the fact that Christ is my Lord. (Romans 3:22)
He promised that I do not have to earn His love. (Ephesians 1:6)
He promised that I am forgiven - no matter what - the second I ask. (1 John 1:9)
I love this song by Brooke Fraser. (I love a lot of songs by Brooke) The lyrics are profound, and remind me of the everlasting faithfulness of God's love and presence.
Hope it blesses you. :)