Sunday, January 30, 2011

these days

Sometimes an obedient heart means you leap before you look. 
Artwork by abbEy
Tomorrow, I'm getting on a plane to fly to Nashville, TN to work on a project with some really awesome people. I'm not really able to get into more detail at this point because it's still very much in the planning stages, but I'll try and share what I can when I can. I can say, though, that this opportunity is an honor and I'm incredibly excited and blessed that God has chosen to open this door to... wherever it leads.
This is truly one of those situations where I'm walking in not really knowing what to expect - in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar people doing unfamiliar things. I've been encouraged to see it as an adventure. :) And it is.

On another note,
Today was the end of our Awake 21 fast. I can't fully describe what a precious time it's been. Kurt and I have seen significant shifts in things we've been praying into. And in the things that still have yet to manifest, we've been given the greatest gift of all - faith. One of the biggest lessons I have to learn at this point, is that breaking a fast doesn't mean things "go back" to the way they were. A new spiritual water mark has been set in my life, and now it's time to learn to live out of this new place. I feel, sometimes, like God is constantly pushing me onward - challenging me. The truth is, He is constantly drawing me - calling me. The challenge is getting out of my own way long enough for Him to work.

I've been thinking about a couple of significant times in my life where God brought me to a new place in faith. Two specific memories come from childhood, and they are treasures to me.

When I was maybe six years old, we lived in Europe and traveled a lot. My mom gave me a Walk Man and some Christian cassette tapes (go 1987!) to occupy me while we drove around in our huge conversion van. Looking back, those Psalty the Singing Songbook and Colby's Clubhouse tapes had some real gems of truth! I remember so very clearly this song, "You Satisfy my Soul".

"You satisfy my soul,
you satisfy my soul,
When I reach out with a longing
that only you can fill,
then You satisfy my soul."

Understanding my life at that time and all that was going on at the age of six, I'm awestruck. God filled me with so much peace as I sang in my heart to Him. He reached into the mess of my circumstances and took hold of His little girl. I still remember the girl on the tape saying, "Colby, I always feel so peaceful when I'm singing praises to the Lord." Somehow, even then, I knew that getting close to God was the answer. And I certainly didn't come up with that all by myself!

As a teenager, camp was the highlight of every year. When I was in late Junior High and High School, a couple of us from my youth group went to a Navigators Camp out in Colorado called Eagle Lake Camp. I made critical commitments at those camps that gave me something to hold on to through those incredibly difficult years. One summer, I somehow summoned the courage to ask my counselor, Adele to go out on a canoe with me. I was one of those kids who never felt worthy of "special" attention. I stumbled through the entire week, and finally I asked. We paddled out into the middle of Eagle Lake, and she waited for me to speak. I still remember how she looked at me with so much compassion and understanding and the ache in me to be heard and understood. I didn't tell her about the abuse per se, but I alluded to a devastation inside of me that I could hardly touch. I think at the time, I thought I was being cryptic, but I'm sure she understood that I was in trouble and hurting. She was the one who encouraged me to seek counseling with a Christian therapist. She stayed in touch with me for a little while after I got home, and her letters gave me a connection and sense of significance that I desperately needed. Because of her, I resolved to keep on fighting.

Looking back over 25 years of being a Christian, I'm blown away by the depth of the Father's heart toward me. 

Here's something: I don't always know how my messages comes through in this blog. I mostly write out of obedience, and I never check my stats to see if anyone's even reading. Maybe I seem like an extremist or religious fanatic. Maybe I seem "out there" and my experiences are unrelateable. Most of you who've commented in one way or another know me well enough to know that I couldn't be a more raw and "real" person. But in the midst of all of the words, my hope is that, somehow, through telling the stories of my life, that you will see God's heart toward YOU. That you would be able to trace the threads of grace through your own life and see that you are so much more than you ever believed you could be. I pray that every person walking this planet would somehow, some way come into a realization of how God sees them. Look through the Father's eyes at yourself. You'll be blown away.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to testify to the way that God has moved me, praying that you'll see beyond me and my flaws and into His heart.

Love, Love, Love

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