these days

Sometimes an obedient heart means you leap before you look. 

Artwork by abbEy

Tomorrow, I'm getting on a plane to fly to Nashville, TN to work on a project with some really awesome people. I'm not really able to get into more detail at this point because it's still very much in the planning stages, but I'll try and share what I can when I can. I can say, though, that this opportunity is an honor and I'm incredibly excited and blessed that God has chosen to open this door to... wherever it leads.
This is truly one of those situations where I'm walking in not really knowing what to expect - in an unfamiliar city with unfamiliar people doing unfamiliar things. I've been encouraged to see it as an adventure. :) And it is.

On another note,
Today was the end of our Awake 21 fast. I can't fully describe what a precious time it's been. Kurt and I have seen significant shifts in things we've been praying into. And in the things that still have yet to manifest, we've been given the greatest gift of all - faith. One of the biggest lessons I have to learn at this point, is that breaking a fast doesn't mean things "go back" to the way they were. A new spiritual water mark has been set in my life, and now it's time to learn to live out of this new place. I feel, sometimes, like God is constantly pushing me onward - challenging me. The truth is, He is constantly drawing me - calling me. The challenge is getting out of my own way long enough for Him to work.

I've been thinking about a couple of significant times in my life where God brought me to a new place in faith. Two specific memories come from childhood, and they are treasures to me.

When I was maybe six years old, we lived in Europe and traveled a lot. My mom gave me a Walk Man and some Christian cassette tapes (go 1987!) to occupy me while we drove around in our huge conversion van. Looking back, those Psalty the Singing Songbook and Colby's Clubhouse tapes had some real gems of truth! I remember so very clearly this song, "You Satisfy my Soul".

"You satisfy my soul,
you satisfy my soul,
When I reach out with a longing
that only you can fill,
then You satisfy my soul."

Understanding my life at that time and all that was going on at the age of six, I'm awestruck. God filled me with so much peace as I sang in my heart to Him. He reached into the mess of my circumstances and took hold of His little girl. I still remember the girl on the tape saying, "Colby, I always feel so peaceful when I'm singing praises to the Lord." Somehow, even then, I knew that getting close to God was the answer. And I certainly didn't come up with that all by myself!

As a teenager, camp was the highlight of every year. When I was in late Junior High and High School, a couple of us from my youth group went to a Navigators Camp out in Colorado called Eagle Lake Camp. I made critical commitments at those camps that gave me something to hold on to through those incredibly difficult years. One summer, I somehow summoned the courage to ask my counselor, Adele to go out on a canoe with me. I was one of those kids who never felt worthy of "special" attention. I stumbled through the entire week, and finally I asked. We paddled out into the middle of Eagle Lake, and she waited for me to speak. I still remember how she looked at me with so much compassion and understanding and the ache in me to be heard and understood. I didn't tell her about the abuse per se, but I alluded to a devastation inside of me that I could hardly touch. I think at the time, I thought I was being cryptic, but I'm sure she understood that I was in trouble and hurting. She was the one who encouraged me to seek counseling with a Christian therapist. She stayed in touch with me for a little while after I got home, and her letters gave me a connection and sense of significance that I desperately needed. Because of her, I resolved to keep on fighting.

Looking back over 25 years of being a Christian, I'm blown away by the depth of the Father's heart toward me. 

Here's something: I don't always know how my messages comes through in this blog. I mostly write out of obedience, and I never check my stats to see if anyone's even reading. Maybe I seem like an extremist or religious fanatic. Maybe I seem "out there" and my experiences are unrelateable. Most of you who've commented in one way or another know me well enough to know that I couldn't be a more raw and "real" person. But in the midst of all of the words, my hope is that, somehow, through telling the stories of my life, that you will see God's heart toward YOU. That you would be able to trace the threads of grace through your own life and see that you are so much more than you ever believed you could be. I pray that every person walking this planet would somehow, some way come into a realization of how God sees them. Look through the Father's eyes at yourself. You'll be blown away.

Meanwhile, I'll continue to testify to the way that God has moved me, praying that you'll see beyond me and my flaws and into His heart.

Love, Love, Love
Emily

More thoughts on Fasting

Well this has been a most interesting almost three weeks! Watch out, you who may be subscribed to this blog, hopefully you won't be overwhelmed by all that may come spilling out of me! :) Ah well, it's God anyway.



This whole experience of fasting has been really eye opening. I came across this verse, and it describes so well the purpose and plan of God in fasting. Here's how it kind of breaks down:

2 Corinthians 7:1
Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.
2 Corinthians 7:1-3 (in Context) 2 Corinthians 7 (Whole Chapter)




"Therefore, since we have these promises..." 
Fasting, for me, had to come out of a spirit of gratefulness. It's not about striving to earn God's approval or acting pitiful before God so that He'll answer my prayers. Fasting (and all spiritual disciplines, for that matter) should spring out of a heart so overwhelmed by the extravagant love of God, that we can't help but respond in every way that is honoring to Him. It should be as natural as the goofy grin we get on our faces when a friend drops off a surprise Starbucks. Fasting is my goofy grin to God. 


"let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body..." 
Fasts that eliminate certain foods actually set your body into a detoxification mode. Our bodies need a rest from constantly having to process out the mess we put into it. There's a whole physiology that I don't claim to know anything about, but I do know that 2-3 Diet Cokes per day probably weren't helping my little cells do their thing.


"and spirit..." 
One of the weirdest side-effects (I guess you can call it that) of this fast, is that I haven't had a desire to watch certain things or engage in certain forms of entertainment. There's a video game that my husband and I regularly play together as a way to have a cheap date of sorts. Since we started the fast, I've had no desire to play. Not an aversion, really, but it just hasn't crossed my mind as something I'd like to do! I've been sleeping a whole lot more, which is good for the body and the spirit, I think. Because I've made too much a habit of staying up way too late watching some stupid show or another. 
Instead, I've been really trying to make a point to meet with God every day and to feed into the gaps left by cutting out certain entertainments. 


"perfecting holiness out of reverence for God."
The word "perfect" has always tripped me up when it shows up in scripture. I associate "perfect" with way too many failures in my life. I've learned, though, that it is acceptable/biblical/scholarly accurate to substitute the word "perfect" in scripture for "mature". So this Paul is writing about "maturing in holiness..." This makes so much sense to me. When we mature, things that used to interest us no longer interest us. Things that didn't used to make sense start to click into place. Impatience gives way to a longer-term vision. Maturing is an awesome result of fasting. And we want to be mature, because reverence for God requires maturity. God deserves to be honored for the place He holds in this universe. Yes, He is intimate and good and ever-present, but He is also the Creator, the giver of life, the One who is wiser than any man could ever dream. As much as I want to cultivate my knowledge of His immediacy, I also want to devote time toward cultivating my awe of His transcendence. 


So that's the Bible-student version of what's been going on during this fast. 
How has that played out in real life? I've been woken up to dreams I had forgotten about, challenged in my faith, blessed in ways I may have missed before, been exposed to parts of my soul that are downright nasty, and come into a new appreciation for God's sovereignty. I hear Him more easily, obey Him a little more readily, and worship Him more passionately. 
None of this is because I am awesome, it is because HE is. There are things God is showing me about myself that Satan would love to magnify until I'm so swallowed up shame that I can't move. But God's not about condemnation, He is about restoration.


Oh I have so much to share. :)
Look out blogger world. She's on Fiiiiaaaa!

disassembling lies

One of the most powerful things I experienced in my healing journey was discovering the Truth about myself and God. I mentioned before that it's not so much what we experience in life that harms us, as do the lies we believe as a result of what we experience.  These "strongholds", or as Pastor Les calls them, "demonic logic", are what eat away at our minds, bodies, and souls, and wreak terrible havoc on our ability to live and enjoy life.  Sometimes the lies are pronounced, but some are more subtle, and we don't notice that we are buying into them until Truth comes blaring through.

 Paul talks about this concept in 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 (just so ya know I'm not making this up)

  "The world doesn't fight fair.  But we don't live or fight our battles that way - never have and never will.  The tools of our trade aren't for marketing or manipulation, but they are for demolishing that entire massively corrupt culture.  We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of a life shaped by Christ." (The Message)

In context, Paul is speaking in defense of his ministry, so the weapons he speaks of are Truth, God-given Understanding, the Scripture, and our Authority in Christ.

With the help of some great mentors, I was exposed to the truth. I wrestled with it, argued with it, and saturated myself with it until the Holy Spirit began to turn head knowledge into a real revelation to me.
I had "head knowledge" for years. I could spout off a ton of memory verses about how "God so loved the world" and we are "created in His image", but it never changed my life. I still, at the core of me, believed that I was an exception. I had a sneaking suspicion that while God loved the world, He was angry with me. Maybe God had great plans for other people, but for some reason, I was sub-par and would fail at even the most mediocre plans He had for me.  And it was just as well.  As long as God and I had a handshake relationship, He couldn't expect too much of me, and I couldn't expect too much from Him.
But when God in the Holy Spirit turns head knowledge into heart revelation, it becomes woven into the fiber of who we are, and untangling it becomes near impossible. That is when real change occurs.

One of my great passions in life is to see people (and hurting girls specifically) discover the Truth.

All of that said, here's one lie we're going to disassemble today:

Lie:  "My existence is an accident. I am on this planet by chance / happenstance / fluke / mistake." 

Truth: "I was created by God on purpose, for a purpose."

There are so many things that I could say regarding this simple truth. It's profound in its simplicity. But it makes such a HUGE difference when we start to understand that we are here by divine will. 
Now, if we believe this, Satan will throw a bunch of things at us regarding God's intention, His decision making skills, our ability to do what God has purposed for us, what it says about us if we aren't walking in God's purpose, or how we've failed in one way or another by simply breathing in and out every day.

FORGET THAT NONSENSE. We'll get there. There are truths to refute all of those arguments.
Today, just revel in the fact that you are not a mistake. You were brought forth from the heart of God, intentionally. He wants you here right now because He has amazing things in mind for you. And no matter what that looks like or how it plays out, His plans for us match our personality, our preferences, dreams, hopes, and abilities. We can be excited about our future, because He's right here with us, glad that we've hung on this long, and excited to show us the next thing.

"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him" 1 Corinthians 2:9


"Long before he laid down earth's foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love." Ephesians 1:4 (The Message)


"You did no choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit - fruit that will last..." John 15:16


"This is the kind of love we are talking about - not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God." 1 John 4:10 (The Message)


I think people like the girl in this video are a special wink from Heaven. How can anyone argue that this precious girl with her amazing abilities came together by a random grouping of cellular energy? There's a Creator at work, here. And while my life may not look at all like this, (although I can hammer out a mean "chopsticks") my life is no less significant and I am no less talented in the area of my destiny.




Addendum:

A dear friend of mine, Tempy, is an awesome example of a heart pursued by God. She has survived horrific abuse and has found herself on the other side sifting through many of the same lies I did. Tempy is a courageous and eloquent woman, and I'm glad to know her. Here's a link to one of her most recent revelations. 

Crackers & Juiceboxes

see through

I've had several different posts in mind but haven't gotten around to formulating any of them into real, whole sentences. Hopefully this will be legible. :) Thanks for sticking by me.

I gotta say, God's way always looks different than I think it's going to. I feel like I'm repeating myself, but I'm realizing how idealistic I can be. It is a blessing and a curse. Optimism hopes for the best, but Idealism sort of expects it. There is a picture in my head of how I thing things ought to go. A narrative plays out in my mind - usually following the plot of a sitcom or romantic comedy - well before events actually take place. I rehearse conversations. (I know I'm not the only one) But when the gloves come off, reality can be either really boring, really uncomfortable, or really disappointing.
Hear me out: I'm not saying that I'm perpetually deflated. Uncomfortable is a good thing. It means that I'm in a place of growth. Boring and disappointing are my own fault. I set myself up for those.

God gave me a vision a while back, around 2004. (I think) I'm not usually one prone to visions, but I held this one close to my heart, asking God over time to reveal the meaning to me. I'd explain it in detail, but it'd be meaningless to you. Additionally, Joseph got sold into slavery when he shared his vision, so...

The long and short of it, is that I knew God would be refining me to be in a position to help others. On a grand scale or a small one, I don't know. In what capacity exactly, I'm unsure. But it's been amazing to see it play out over the past 6 or 7 years. Coming home from Mercy, I knew that something dramatic had happened in my life. I feel like I'm closer than ever to seeing that vision fulfilled.  Of course, in my idealistic dreams, I am a put-together, spiffy, organized and collected woman of influence. I see myself in a trendy natural fiber tunic sipping overpriced coffee and laughing as I share a witty piece of wisdom with a girl in need.  I see my kids lying on their stomachs on the spotless living room carpet reading their assignments while I draft my second book on my laptop.  For some reason, I have glasses on my head, even though I don't use reading glasses. There is always a lot of sunlight in my dreams.

That is SO not how life works. Every now and then, I'll get the opportunity to talk to someone who has been reading this blog, face to face. Maybe I don't know them very well, or maybe we've been friends for years, but sometimes they'll tell me how it has helped them or that they enjoyed it. Looking at the face of someone who reads my stuff is really uncomfortable! I put my heart and soul "out there" on this blog. I'm vulnerable, but it's safe because it's relatively anonymous. Somehow my words here belong to a segregated time and space. I'm surprised at how tongue tied I get by face to face comments! But it's so good for me. Not for the ego boost, but because it's actually really, really humbling to know that God is using me to speak His truth. It blesses me so much, no matter how naked I feel.

Something else happened recently that threw me for a loop. While at Mercy, I got the opportunity to meet a woman named Charlotte Gambill. She really made an impact on me, so I introduced myself to her. After seeing her for the second time at a women's conference, she asked me to email her. Four months of procrastination, and I finally did. I'm not sure what made me finally write to her, but God knows. Turns out, she "happened" to be in Nashville visiting the Mercy house there, and she shared my email with Nancy Alcorn (President and Founder of Mercy Ministries).  Nancy emailed me a sweet note and asked if she could post my letter on her blog. I agreed, excited to give back to the ministry that had so dramatically changed my life.  Within two hours, the new blog post announcement pops up on my twitter feed.

My stomach dropped through the floor. I clicked over to it, and there was my letter (for the most part), spelling out my testimony for Nancy's world to see. She didn't use my last name, of course, but she did post a photo. Reading through the letter, I realized that I had given a lot more detail than I would have usually, because I wrote it for an audience of one.  I panicked.  Kurt was sitting right beside me, and he was quite soothing and rational. I worked through my fears and audibly gave it over to God.

Driving in the car later, my prayer went something like this:
   "Lord, I thought that sharing my testimony would feel different. I thought that bragging about what You did would be fun! Why do I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin? Ahhh! Jesus! You did this, right? I mean, it's all going to be ok, right?"

I paused for a little while and listened while the Holy Spirit spoke peace and assurance into my heart.
I realized that God knows exactly what I can handle. He is not the type of God to throw me into a role that I am not ready to play. He's giving me these small opportunities to work out my humanity and continue to release control to Him. And it's so much less glamorous than standing behind a glass podium delivering a message of passion and grace. (with glasses on my head, again) It feels so different than I thought it would. But it feels right. And I know that I'm not alone.

"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 
'As the heaves are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" 
Isaiah 55:8


Here's a linkback to Nancy's blog post:  "Awesome Update from Recent Graduate!"

wow

I cannot believe it is the 15th of March! We've just gotten back from an amazing family vacation to Florida, and I am exhausted! Kurt's grandparents live in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, and we've been meaning to take the kids down there to see them. These last couple of years have been less than ideal for taking on a venture of this magnitude, but they have taught us some things.  Time is not a thing to be taken for granted. I think intense suffering of any kind brings about a shift in perspective. Things that seemed important lose their value and memories, moments, and relationships become paramount.  There are a lot of things we could have spent money on this spring... but taking time to reconnect as a family, enjoy one another (for the most part), and capitalize on this very unique snapshot of time in the lives of each one of us was so very important.  And I'm out of my mind grateful. I'm sure as soon as the haze lifts off my mind, I'll only become even more so. hehe

I was working on my 365 Project, and it was interesting to me what points on our vacation stood out. We got to do some amazing things including Disney World, the beach, warm weather after a ridiculously frigid winter... but we also got to see friends and family, and I got to peek into the hearts of each one of my little ones. As a mommy, it's utterly priceless to see my kids unguarded and unhindered and free to be completely themselves. There's something very raw about a family vacation. Everyone's true colors rise to the top after 30 hours in the car and 10 days in mixed company.

For my part, God has done a miracle in me. There is no way I could have ever handled a trip like this in my past. And yes, I got cranky and tired and irritable at times. My blood sugar dropped, the sleep depravation caught up with me, and the weariness of living under someone else's roof began to weigh me down. But overall, there was so much grace for each and every moment. There was always a long night and a new morning. I had no trouble sleeping at all, which 1.) for me is amazing, and 2.) for being out of town in a MIRACLE. We hit the Disney crowd with three kids in tow, and I had no anxiety whatsoever. None.  (I don't typically do crowds... understatement of the century)
Someone told me a couple of weeks ago that it sometimes takes a trial to show the change that God has made. And while I wouldn't necessarily categorize a family vacation as a "trial", I do know that it could have been a catastrophe! God deserves so much credit for the work He has done in my life. We not only survived, but we had a wonderful time.

And I'm super glad to be home. :)

Isaiah 43:19
"See, I am doing a new thing!
  Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?
  I am making a way in the desert  
  and streams in the wasteland."

to be or not to be...

In these precious few quiet moments at home, I find myself battling apathy and even the blues, scrambling for motivation in the simple things. Not feeling well yesterday has set me behind in a way only moms and housekeepers will understand. ;)  Speaking of which, I'm looking for a free nanny/housekeeper. Just, you know, an extra couple of hands and some initiative. Apply today at emily.c.wagoner@gmail.com. No pay or benefits.

(That's so funny... I realize in posting this that I've been giving my wrong email address to everyone! hahaha)

Anyway, it's times like this when I'm faced with the decision.
Deuteronomy 30:19 "I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God."

I've already made "THE" decision. I've already chosen a team. But I think we are faced every day with decisions that, taken to their logical conclusion, will either breed life or death. Sometimes they're obviously big decisions - like whom to marry and when, whether or not to invest money in this or that... decisions that will affect our future in tangible ways: where we will live, career, kids, finances, marriage, our own health and life.

But often times it's the little things we have to be conscious of. I think we are called to make moment-to-moment decisions that have a greater impact on our future than we realize.

Today in Bible Study @heartsomaha, Dr. Deb talked about Rebekah of Genesis 24.
Genesis 24 recounts the story of the hunt for the bride of Isaac, the promise of the future nation of Israel. It would be through Isaac and his wife that the promises God made to Abraham would be fulfilled. So, obviously, the selection process was fairly intense!
Rebekah was minding her own business one evening when she saw a man near a well with a bunch of camels. She gave a drink of water to the man, but then she offered to water the camels as well.
"After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they have finished drinking." Genesis 24:19

It doesn't seem like that big a decision, but that single choice landed her smack in the middle of God's Epic story and gained her a spot in the bloodline of Jesus the Messiah. (Read the whole story when you have a chance, it's awesome. BibleGateway)

My point is, choices matter. And most don't seem like a matter of life and death. But in the little things, even, I want to be in tune to the still, small voice of the Holy Spirit that answers, "Is this life-giving? Or not so much?" And don't get me wrong. I don't choose to read my Bible over TV every time... that's not what I'm saying. Sometimes the most Holy thing we can do is take a nap. (Abbey) ;)
Just be aware, is all. Be choice-conscious.

How have you seen a "small" decision play out largely in your life?

New Wineskins

We spent the Thursday and Friday at the local Holiday Inn and CoCo Keys, and our WiFi connection was sketch at best. Since I have a tendency to be loquacious, I was having a hard time getting a full blog post together before I lost service. Tragic.  Maybe I should concentrate on being more concise. :) hehe

We had a wonderful time - especially for what we paid. I'm finding that, for me, I have to break "old programs". I got the opportunity to really get away from everything and spend a good amount of time thinking, praying, writing, reading, absorbing, talking, and learning. And in that, I was completely transformed. Omaha, however, remained stoically the same. Some mornings, when I wake up and see the same wall that I stared at for two years of barely being able to get out of bed, I lose myself in what was. In my sleepy stupor, I forget that I've been remade. I came back a square peg to a round hole, but the atmosphere threatens to round out my edges.

So I've been working on really pressing in to God and trusting Him to walk me through this transition. I'm holding on to His promises, to His Word, and to His unfailing love for me. Sometimes, it means changing up the program. Rearranging my bedroom, creating a different atmosphere with music or the strategic placement of a comfy chair. Sometimes it means getting out of the house entirely after 3 weeks of being snowed in and spending a little money on a hotel room and an indoor water park.
That way, I'm making new memories to override the old ones. Following God down new paths that haven't quite gotten worn in yet.
For now, the decisions are so deliberate. My default is the well worn groove of old habits. Hopefully, though, sooner than later, the decisions will come more naturally, and my default will be positive, proactive, and life-giving. Time will tell. But God is faithful. I know He didn't walk with me through seven months of living in St. Louis just to drop me off at the corner in Omaha.  The great thing about giving all I have to an omnipresent God, is that He is able to follow through on His promise to never leave me, never forsake me.

"You make all things new, you yes you make all things new. And I will follow You forward." - Israel Houghton  (Power of One)

Storms and Snowdrifts

Matthew 14:13 - 16:28

Can I just pause for a moment on this simple, very profound example of Christ? 'Cuz I need to hear it.

Leading up to today's passages, in Matthew 14:1-12, the story talks about the be-heading of John the Baptist.   John and Jesus Christ were cousins.

Heading over to Luke 1:41, Luke records that "When Elizabeth heard Mary's greeting, the baby leaped in her womb, and Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit."(Mary was the mother of Jesus, and Elizabeth was the mother of John the Baptist)
John recognized Jesus in utero and was filled with joy.
In Matthew 3:13-17, John finally baptized Jesus after acknowledging Christ's authority and purpose on Earth. Then, in Matthew 11:11, Jesus recognized the great old-covenant power of John's commission. (He also recognized the new, more powerful authority in the new-covenant).

I say all of that to say that John and Jesus were not only cousins, they were friends, and they respected one another greatly. So, when Jesus got news that John had been executed, he was deeply grieved.
This is the great example I mentioned:
Matthew 14:13  "When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.  Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns.  When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick."

1. He got alone. He let himself feel. He took some time out. He grieved. He probably prayed, and cried, asked tough questions, and questioned himself. Why didn't God tell Him to go get John out of jail? Whey didn't God continue to intervene in Harod's attitude? Were more people going to die because of Him? How many?   He was a person, just like me. Same emotions, same vulnerabilities, same enemy.

2. The crowds had zero regard for His loss. When catastrophe strikes, I think what hurts the most is that the world continues to spin as if everything is OK.  When I lost my dad, had a miscarriage, and any other number of life-shaking events, I wanted time to stop so that I could gather myself. But the world kept going. The calendar kept changing dates. Jobs still needed to be done, kids still needed to be cared for, groceries bought... And yes, people definitely stepped in and helped out! But sometimes, people are ready to stop helping long before my heart stops hurting.

3. (And this is what I need constant grace for)  When He saw the crowds, even though they were stalking him to get, get, get from him... He had compassion for them (all 5000) and healed their sick.  He grieved, prayed, and gave himself away some more. Probably no less in pain, but regardless, reached out, got beyond himself, and served.

That, for me, is what separates those who will be used by God, and those who have some more growing up to do. And I am absolutely speaking to myself. When I get overwhelmed... even in little things, like TODAY. And the kids are all stuck indoors at my house for almost a solid 3 weeks now, and we're all ready to kill each other, and the food I bought isn't lasting as long, and I'm hormonal, and I don't have time to read the Word or talk to my friends because every time I get 5 minutes, there's another explosion somewhere.... All I want to do is retreat into my room, pull the covers over my head and quit. Sleep. Revert.
But the example that Christ sets is, I need to go to my room, pray, cry, get settled with God, and get up, don't harden my heart, but have compassion. Serve my family. Get out of myself. And in that obedience there is blessing. Hopefully, the choice to move past pain will become easier the more I practice. :)

Thoughts?