An aside...

God's really been working with me on some things, and I've been deep in thought, which makes writing really difficult! Emotions, ideas, and revelations are all kind of jumbled up inside. It's difficult to communicate.  So, just so you know, I'm here! I've still been in the Word every day... not necessarily following "the plan", but letting the Holy Spirit guide me here and there. Been spending a lot of time with Paul in his letters to the church about Christian Living.
I'm learning how to do life. I know it sounds weird, but I've never really done this before! I've never walked every day hand in hand with my Savior, waiting on Him and leaning entirely on His grace to get through each moment. It's a fabulously freeing way to live.  I was telling Abbey last night that my two biggest prayers throughout the day are "Help!" and "Thank You!" LOL
But even so, my heart is postured toward Him. My eyes are upward, and my hands are outstretched.
Because I can't raise three kids on my own. I can't make decisions about schooling and ADD and how to bring emotional, physical, and spiritual health to them all by myself! I can't be the wife my husband needs and deserves. I can't give if I haven't received from Him.
I have never felt so completely helpless and so completely secure at the same time.
God is so faithful.
I don't listen all of the time. I'm not obedient the first time, every time. I have one of the strongest wills in the world. Truly. (wouldn't be alive if I didn't) ;)
But God, right?

So I have nothing profound to say except that God's working with me. He's teaching me some stuff that I'm hoping I'll be able to commit to "paper" in the near future. In the meantime, pray for me and my family. That we would know and obey the will of God. That our questions will be answered with clarity, and that chaos and confusion must leave in the name of Jesus, the One who is greater.
And be encouraged. Keep seeking, keep reading. He is real - more real than any of the things in this life.

I love you all :)

Define Irony

So, I don't know if anyone else notices this in their lives, but it's so predictable that it's funny.

Whenever God really starts talking to me about something, I'm almost immediately tested in that area. It may be that I am just more keyed in to the topic, like when you're looking to buy a car that you've never really heard much about, but suddenly they are all over the road. As if everyone simultaneously got the idea to buy the exact same car the exact same week.

Not two hours after I got all hyped about being a Xena the Warrior Princess (minus the horrible acting and all associated idioms), Satan lobbed a hand grenade over the fence, and I found myself face to face with my raw humanity.

Alex was home from school, because he woke up not feeling well. We had a peaceful morning and early afternoon, but after he awoke from a nap, he was in horrible pain. Headache, rapidly climbing fever, sore throat, nausea, the whole nine yards. He was inconsolable, so I called the Dr. and squeezed him in to a 4:40pm appointment.  Somehow, within 50 minutes, I needed to get my daughter and I dressed and out the door, pick up my middle son from my mother-in-law's house, pick up Kurt from work (we are a one car family at the moment), get everyone to their designated locations, and get Alex to the doctor.

It did not go well. My shield of faith was trampled by my four-year old's tantrum about her pants being too tight. My son's symptoms randomly responded (after 2 hours) to the Tylenol I'd given him. I also had an embarrassing lack of an insurance card. My double edged sword got lodged in the 3 foot snow bank out in front of my house, and my temper went through the roof.

I drove down 72nd street with tears streaming down my face and my prayers sounding whiney and pitiful instead of victorious and authoritative.

But God is faithful. Annabelle was satiated by the candy cane, Kurt found a ride and a way to pick up Isaac, the insurance information was on file (with no co-pay), and our trip to the doctor was not in vain... Alex has a full-blown case of strep. (not that I'm glad that he's sick :(, but I feel less stupid about taking a healthy-seeming kid to the doctor no matter what his symptoms were doing two hours previous)

So here I am, none-the-less victorious, begging my emotions to line up with the Truth of God's Word. Resting in His presence while my sons play computer and my daughter watches "Angelina Ballerina" on Netflix.

Just so everyone knows my life is super real. :)